Happy Holidays!

One week into December already!  How can it be we have reached the halfway point in the school year?  For me this month is always a mixture of a full schedule and somehow simultaneously slowing down to focus on gratitude and loved ones.  This week I can across an article written by Dr. Brene Brown about the hustle and bustle of the holiday season that struck a chord with me.  (You can read the article and learn more about Dr. Brown here: http://brenebrown.com/2014/12/03/show-must-go-cost/).  Perhaps it caught my attention because I had just read an email from Pamela Robb, principal of our Early Childhood building discussing the very same topic, or maybe just because I have found a connection with Dr. Brown's work in the past.  However, I know, that deep down, the real reason I connected with the article is that I fall victim to the pressures of the holiday season year after year.  I have a a list of fun things our Elf on the Shelf will do this year in my kitchen, there is a large stack of holiday cards waiting to be addressed this weekend on my counter, and I am feeling a bit frantic about the fact that the cookie decorating party I keep meaning to plan has not yet been planned.  Sometimes I forget to practice what I preach!

So I thought this would be a great time to share with you my Pembroke Hill Counseling Pinterest board.  (Ironic isn't it?  Given that Pinterest is my recent source of holiday pressure...).  But this Pinterest board is different.  I have shared it with the students and it is meant to inspire, to refocus and to provide encouragement.  I'll update it from time to time to keep it relevant for the students.  For instance, I just added several ideas for stress management on the heels of our Wellness lessons.  And as I side bonus, I get a chance to reflect too!  You can see my board here: http://www.pinterest.com/lindsaykobolt/

Additionally I have started using YouTube as a way to share resources with students and parents.  I am working to create playlists of relevant videos so you do not need to search around as much.  I don't have much on my YouTube channel playlists yet, but I will be adding to it soon!  The playlists are divided into "Videos for Parents" (which currently includes a favorite Dr. Brene Brown video of mine) and "Videos for Students."  counseling playlists

While I'll probably still address all those cards and get creative with our elf, maybe I'll let the cookie decorating party go and simply keep that event to just our family.  We can even stay in our pajamas that way!  I sincerely hope that the rest of this month brings joy and relaxation to your family!

Let's Talk About Stress

While our students still feel that finals are off in the distance, the Middle School staff has been planning for the weeks following Thanksgiving break, that will surely come fast and furious as we work to prepare 7th and 8th grade students for their final exams.

Knowing that this time can quickly lead to a feeling of being overwhelmed, we are working to give students the tools they need to navigate the end of the semester before that busy time hits.

In Advisory students have been discussing organization and time management strategies and practicing them with their advisors.  Next week 7th and 8th grade students will each complete a finals study plan - ask them to see it at home!  In December we will share specific test taking tips will all students through the advisory program.

This week students have been working with me in Wellness lessons.  6th grade students met with me on Monday to talk about what stress is, the science behind the stress reactions our bodies have and how we can control our reactions to stress in a healthy way.  Each student had about 25 minutes to create their own individual stress management plan using their favorite app.  Ask your child to share their creation with you and talk about their stress management plan with them.  Here are a couple of examples of plans that students created:

Stress Plan Video

Click here to watch a video created by one of our students!

7th Grade students are participating in their Wellness lesson today (Friday).  They will talk about having busy schedules and using their time wisely, in addition to discussing strategies to overcome test anxiety.  The strategies being presented to the 7th grade are: 

1. Reframe It - What is finals about?  Why do we do them?  Instead of focusing on negative feelings you have about finals, think about how they are a helpful part of your learning process. What can you gain from taking finals? How is this helpful to you?
2. Positive Self-Talk Catch any negative thoughts you have (This is too hard - I can't do it - I'll never pass) and turn them around. Tell yourself that you can take big tests well, you are capable, you are doing the work to be prepared and put it in perspective, it's only a test.
3. Deep Breathing (This is something all grades practice in our lessons) Put your hand on your stomach, breathe in deep through your nose and fill your abdomen with air. Hold for 3 seconds. Breathe out through your mouth, repeat. This calms the brain and slows the heart rate - things that counter our bodies natural stress response and help us maintain focus.
4. “Brain Dump”  Write it out, crumple it up, make a basket. Students will write out their worries and fears, get them out, just release all those worries. Then crumple up their paper - not allowing those fears to crowd their head any longer. They will release more tension by playing basketball and shooting them into a basket.

8th Grade students worked with me on Tuesday. We spent our Wellness time taking a self-rating stress scale. Students marked off stressful situations they had encountered this school year or were currently experiencing. We discussed stress as relative, that what is stressful to one person might not be stressful to another. As such, each person may interpret their results differently. I did share the average scores with all students by email later in the day, so that they could compare their results with those of the peers. Each student had two opportunities to request a follow up appointment with me if they wanted. Some students did take advantage of this and we are meeting over the next few days. Of course, any time a student wishes to meet with me, they are welcome to make that request. We ended the lesson by talking about how social media can sometimes be stressful and watched a clip from The Ellen Show about how some people's pictures on Facebook got them into a bit of an uncomfortable situation!

Fostering an Inclusive Atmosphere

Quarter One is complete and we have begun the second half of the semester.  Senora Araiza and Senora Wolfe's advisory partnership are the current Advisory Contest Champions!  They were quite successful at completing song lyrics, answering riddles, tying shoes, throwing paper airplanes and more!  To celebrate they have been treated to a pizza party.  Now a new set of contests will occur and everyone is even again!

This past week in Advisory we focused on diversity, appreciation for ourselves and how we are strong when we bring all of our individual differences together.  Students worked to create "leaves" that represent their individuality and the leaves are being assembled on a "Diversity Tree" by a team of very creative 8th grade students!  Here's a sneak peak at some of the leaves, I'll be sure to post a picture of the tree when it is complete.

In light of our school wide look into appreciating what makes us diverse, I thought I would share that I have recently attended a workshop to be Safe Space trained through the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). The aim of this training is to increase knowledge of and sensitivity to LGBTQ topics, challenges and experiences.  I went to strengthen my ability to be an effective ally and advocate for all students and families at Pembroke Hill.  At the workshop I gained an updated list of resources that may interest you.

• Kansas City Passages Youth Center www.kcpassages.org/site
• Center for LGBTQ youth ages 14-20.  Programs to encourage personal growth and social interaction
• The Transgender Institute of Kansas City www.transinstitute.org
• Gender Identity therapy and referrals to endocrinologists, surgeons, cosmetologists
• Like Me Lighthouse likemelighthouse.org
• Safe space for LGBT individuals and their families.  Provides resources, outreach and community 
• Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays of Kansas City (PFLAG-KC) www.pflagkc.org
• Provide a support system for families and friends of LGBT youth
• Perform Out KC www.performoutkc.org
• Inclusive atmosphere for youth of all identities to excel in the performing arts
• The Trevor Project - LGBT Youth Hotline 1-866-488-7386

Making A Wish Come True!

Greetings Parents!

This fall we introduced our students to Haley, a 6 year old girl with juvenile myelomonocytic leukemia (JMML).  Her wish is to swim with the dolphins this spring and our job is to make that wish come true by raising the $5,000 needed to cover the cost of the trip.  The Kids for Wish Kids program is a division of Make-A-Wish Foundation that partners with schools to bring character education into action.  Through this program our students are developing their:

• Respect - Understanding the difficulties another faces when battling a life-threatening illness and the impact on his/her life, as well as the other members of his/her family.  Students are also challenged to work together to create fundraising opportunities, putting them in positions of needing to hear each other's ideas and work cooperatively.
• Compassion - Students are building empathy for Haley and other seriously ill children in our community.  They are finding ways to put their wants second, in order to positively impact the life of another.
• Scholarship - Students are exercising their creative problem-solving capabilities.  They are focused on an end goal and see their efforts as integral to finding success.  There will be roadblocks along the way that will require perseverance and continual determination to maneuver.  
• Integrity - In the Kids for Wish Kids guide for schools they have chosen integrity building as part of their vision for the program.  They approach every aspect of their work with honesty and transparency in honoring the needs of the wish recipient, their families and supporters.  We are challenging our students to keep this critical piece of the process in mind as they strive to meet our goal.  

The impact of this program is fairly amazing, as you can see.  It gets better than this though!  81% of wish kid parents observe an increased willingness by their child to comply with treatment while they are being sponsored for a wish.  89% of doctors, nurses and social workers say they believe the wish experience influences the child's physical health.  97% of wish families and 96% of health care professionals observe an increase in the child's emotional health.  Lastly, 97% of families say the wish experience strengthened their family.

Already through their own efforts, our students have raised $861.00!!!  Many more fundraising ideas are on their way, and students are always welcome to make a "just because" donation at any time.  These can be given to their adviser or brought to me.  What an inspiring and worthy cause - and your children are rising to the challenge - amazing!

What You Need to Know About Individual Counseling At School

So far this year, I have spoken individually with 30 students.  Each student brings a unique perspective into my office and faces unique challenges.  I am fortunate to work in a position in which I have the ability to get to know so many students on an individual basis, as well as the opportunity to stay with them for three years to watch how they grow.

Much of what occurs in the counseling office is unseen by others.  While that provides privacy and piece of mind for many, it also creates space for confusion or misunderstanding about the role of the school counselor in this capacity.  So today, I'd like to shed a little light on the individual counseling that occurs in my room.

Most students seek out their school counselor for conflict with a peer or teacher.  I can provide a safe place to vent, as well as a place to begin the critical thinking process necessary to reach a resolution.  I am here to follow up with the student(s) and or teacher(s) involved and either continue the problem solving process or give congrats to those who made it work.

Other times I may talk to a student about a personal or family concern.  These meetings are usually self-referred by the student.  Occasionally a peer will suggest that someone they know at school might need some extra support and in that case I will follow up and check on the student.  At any point I believe there is a safety concern or that a student would benefit from additional counseling outside of school I will contact the parent.

When students talk with a school counselor they share their hopes, their worries, their unique selves; in essence, they share what makes them vulnerable and human.  A school counselor has the responsibility to honor those things that make each student an individual, affirming and encouraging them through life's daily challenges.  As one might imagine, trust is central to this process and takes time to build.  Trust is established through listening, understanding, empathy and confidentiality.  Students know when they talk with me that what they say is confidential.  The American School Counselor Association ethical codes discuss confidentiality at length  At the heart of the ethical codes are these tenants:

• Inform students of the right to confidentiality and the limits of confidentiality
• Share the importance and limits of confidentiality with the school community through various methods
• Recognize and respect the complicated nature of maintaining confidentiality in schools
• Protect students safety through disclosure to appropriate adults when a situation presents forseeable harm
•  Follow mandated reporting  and FERPA laws
• Balance a student's right to confidentiality with an obligation to parents/guardians in supporting them as the primary influence in their child's life
• Promote autonomy of students, while considering their developmental age and circumstances

In my daily conversations with students, faculty and parents I will protect student confidentiality to the fullest extent possible.  I talk with students about this right to privacy, but we also discuss other adults that could be beneficial to include.  Often students want to share with their parents, advisor, or other key adults in the school, so as to build a strong support network for themselves.  We discuss what is appropriate to share with whom and how to go about doing that.  I try to be transparent with students about who I talk to regarding their situation.  Middle school is a time in which students begin to understand themselves as their own person and learn who they are.  They crave privacy and understanding, even when they feel no one can possibly understand them.  So much is delicate during these three years of life, and school counselors are in a unique position to support students in their personal growth by treating them with dignity, respecting their values/beliefs, and offering a confidential setting to talk through whatever may be on their mind.

Wellness Lessons Have Begun!

One of my favorite parts of my work as a school counselor is to be in the classroom talking with students.  This time allows me to interact with ALL students.  I have found that a successful school counseling program must reach each and every student in the building, working to understand and meet their needs.  At Pembroke Hill I do this in a variety of ways: Advisory lessons, partnering with the English department, visiting World Cultures classes, working with Mr. Bartelli and Mrs. Viene to develop Digital Citizenship lessons and also working through a division of the PE program called Wellness.  For this fall in Wellness I met with Lynn O'Toole, the Wellness Coordinator, to plan lessons I am sharing with the students about social relationships, stress management, conflict resolution, and more.  You can view a working document regarding our Wellness schedule at this link: Wellness Curriculum Outline 2014-2015.

In past years we have used a program called "Step-Up Sisterhood" with our 6th grade girls and our own modified version for the 6th grade boys.  The program has many wonderful benefits and was created by a well-respected youth organization in Kansas City called Synergy Services.  I myself had used "Step-Up" at previous schools and was excited to know Pembroke Hill also supported the program.  At the same time I have been doing more research and professional development concerning how to support boys in middle school with the social pressures they face.  Through that process I learned that Rosalind Wiseman, who wrote Queen Bees and Wannabees, has been engaged in work to change the way we talk about adolescent boys.  Intrigued, I jumped into reading her work, watching her speak at the American School Counselor Association National Conference, and exploring her school resources.  Let me tell you, I have been so very impressed!  As a result, we have decided to add a new resource to our Wellness tool-kit called Owning Up: Empowering Adolescents to Confront Social Cruelty, Bullying and Injustice.

Owning Up is guiding my work with all grade levels this fall.  The curriculum offers ideas specifically for young adolescent girls and boys, as well as ideas to support students as they mature. "Step Up" activities will still be included to support the message we are giving to students: Everyone's personal authenticity is connected to his/her right to be treated with dignity and his/her responsibility to treat others the same.

Students will be taught the SEAL strategy and as I work with students this year to address conflict and the messy, difficult social situations that arise in middle school, I will refer to this strategy to help them solve their own problems.  I want to share the SEAL strategy with you so that, if you so choose, you may use it in your conversations at home.  SEAL stands for:

S - Stop

Breathe, observe, and ask yourself what the situation is about.  Decide when and where you can talk to the person so the person will be most likely to listen to you

E - Explain

Take your bad feelings and put them into words - be specific about what you don’t like and what you want instead.  Think about what you are feeling and what you want first so that you can then tell the other person

A - Affirm and acknowledge

Affirm your right (and the other person’s right) to interact with other people without being ridiculed, dismissed or harmed.  If appropriate, acknowledge your part in contributing to the situation

L - Lock

Lock in the friendship: Decide to resolve the situation and continue being friends

OR

Lock out the friendship: Decide you can’t be friends and want no further contact with the person

OR

Take a vacation: Decide to take a break from the friendship but agree to talk later about reestablishing the friendship

Students do or will (depending on grade level) have access to this strategy in their Wellness Document in their Google Drive. Consider asking your child to show you this document and discuss what they are doing in Wellness with them.

If you'd like to learn more about Owning Up and/or Rosalind Wiseman, her website is a great place to start: http://rosalindwiseman.com/. Parents of boys may be particularly interested in learning about her new, free e-book written by teenage boys (with her assistance) for teenage boys. This book actually has two versions. The original version was titled by the boys who partnered with Wiseman and their sub-title had a word ("douchebags") that is clearly offensive to many, so there is also a version for schools that uses the work "jerks" in the sub-title instead. Both can be found in the Publications drop down menu on the home page under "The Guide: For Guys" or "The Guide: For Schools."

See Something, Say Something

Friday afternoon we closed out the week with an all school assembly.  We cheered for our returning students, as well as the students that have joined us this year.  We were even led in cheers by the high school cheer team!  It was a very fun filled assembly!

However, Dr. Leonard did take a moment to share an easy to remember motto with students, "See Something, Say Something."  This was presented to us as a staff in a school security meeting prior to the start of the school year.  See Something, Say Something was shared with our students in regards to the ways we interact with each other.  Later this week in Advisory students will talk through this motto together.  They will be asked to talk about the following questions:

1. What are things you might see that need to be shared for the good of others?
2. What would you say in response and to whom?

We will also tie "See Something, Say Something" to our four values of Respect, Compassion, Scholarship and Integrity.  

I also wanted to take a moment to share some more information with you about what school counselors do.  I like this document, The Role of the School Counselor, as an overview.  This year I will be seeing students for guidance lessons in Wellness classes and interjecting some lessons into the Advisory program.  Lessons are based on these Guidance Curriculum Standards.  I am also available to meet with students individually or in small groups on an as needed basis.  Students are welcome to stop by, send me an email or fill out a counselor request slip (on my door and in the main office) to arrange a time to talk.  

Advisory at PHS Middle School

We are off and running, and running quite smoothly at that!  Each student has met with their adviser today and gotten a bit of an introduction into what happens during Advisory time.  Advisory can be a difficult thing to define, as it is a flexible time in our day that allows for a variety of activities.  Here's what we can tell you with certainty about our Advisory program:

In the middle school, the Advisory program is designed to be mission-based, meaning it is reflective of the mission of our school.

Mission of PHS: The mission of The Pembroke Hill School is to enable all students to build character and to develop their intellectual, physical and creative abilities to the highest level

A mission-based Advisory program is:

• evaluated on the basis of service to the mission
• is focused on student engagement, but “engagement” is not always about having fun
• the cultural tendency is toward embracing the role of the adviser along with other mission-based, professional responsibilities
• activities involve students in a variety of ways and regularly engage them in reflecting on their learning experience
• parents regularly hear from advisers, administrators and others at school about what occurs in advisory and how students benefit from the program

The role of the adviser is to be a/an:

• advocate
• mentor
• encourager
• facilitator
• front-line contact

An adviser is not:

• disciplinarian
• friend
• counselor

Advisory Goals and Priorities 2014

RELATIONSHIPS * ONE-ON-ONES * CONTESTS * ROTATIONS * SERVICE LEARNING

Relationships

• Time set aside to socialize and activities to get to know each other
• Assisting our 8th grade students as mentors for the 6th and 7th grade
• Enhancing our RESPECT for ourselves and others
• Developing COMPASSION for those in our PHS and KC community

One-on-Ones

• Completed as Mid-Quarters are sent out
• Time will be set aside to meet with each advisee individually
• Nurturing our advisees understanding of SCHOLARSHIP

Contests

• Simple, Friday only contests
• Mostly designed by Student Advisory Panel
• To increase our relationships with our partner advisory groups, quarterly contest scores will be calculated as partners
• Practicing INTEGRITY in a fun way

Rotations

• Thursdays of Blue Week we will again have advisory rotations
• Will allow for 6th grade transition activities, 8th grade leadership activities, iPad support, study skills, study hall, open gym and additional announcements given there is no assembly on Blue Week
• Opportunities to focus on all 4 Values (RESPECT, COMPASSION, SCHOLARSHIP, INTEGRITY)

Service Learning

• Kids for Wish Kids - flexibility for each advisory to get involved as much or as little as they would like
• No planned service project during winter holidays, instead focusing on Make-A-Wish
• Coming together as a school with COMPASSION to make a difference for someone else

2014-15 Here We Come!

I have always been one of those people who gets excitedly anxious for a new school year.  The clean notebooks, new folders, the excuse to buy cute post-its - yup, sign me up!  But, of course, there is also the warm greetings - seeing my co-workers and the students again, establishing ourselves in a new year of our lives - this is the true joy of school for me.  In one week the halls outside my office will once again be filled with talkative teenagers - yahoo!!

Yet with the start of anything new (whether it's a new school, new building or new grade) it is perfectly normal to feel some nervousness.  And because no two teens are exactly alike, this nervous feeling shows itself in many different forms.  Some teens appear more tired, others have increased mood swings, still other teens will demonstrate apathy toward school, while others will come right out and tell us they feel worried.  So what do we do about it?  Usually we don't need to intervene too much.  But just in case, here are a few ideas:

• It can very helpful to hear that feeling anxiety over a change is completely normal and most of the students returning to school this fall feel somewhat nervous. Share with your teen how you approach new situations, believe it or not, they do value what you have to say!
• Coming up to school to practice your student's locker combination, find their classrooms and visit the bookstore are also simple ways to ease into the new year. 
•  I could go on and on about the benefits of sleep.  Try to get your teen to bed at a time that would give them at least 8 hours of sleep, more if you can.  You know how lovely tired teens are, right? It's more than just attitude though, our ability to cope with life's demands is so much stronger with a brain functioning at full capacity.
• Plan something special to do with your teen after their first day of school.  I'm thinking of taking my kids to a cupcake place, not the healthiest I know, but they will look forward to it because it's something we rarely do and we can talk about their day over a treat.
• Reach out - contact your student's adviser, Dr. Leonard, Mr. Carolan, Mr. Robertson, Mrs. Van Ness or myself.  It makes us feel needed and it means you don't have to support your teen on your own - win-win!

With all this talk of preparing for school to start, it's also important to remember to just enjoy the last days of summer.  My last day of summer was spent watching my 5 year old son master riding his bike without training wheels!  A perfect day for us to cherish as we move on to the school year.  (Side note - my apologies if I am teary the first day of school - he starts Kindergarten this year and my baby girl begins pre-school!!!! I may need tips from all of you!)  I hope you and your family create some fun memories this week.  Be sure to stop in and say hi this fall!  

Cheers to a new year!

Final Stretch

Wow!  Mid-May sure got here fast!  I doesn't seem right that it's time to wrap the year up, but amazingly it is.  However, wrapping up doesn't always mean slowing down - things are hopping in the counseling office!

I have been thoroughly enjoying my afternoon visits with the 5th grade students.  I am talking with each one of them for a few minutes.  They are all quite excited to have more freedom and to have classes with new friends.  There is some nervousness about finding their way around and adjusting to middle school.  I hope they feel better when I tell them that we don't expect them to arrive to middle school already knowing how to be a middle-schooler!  I will continue visiting them this week and then return the last week of school to share the exciting news of who they will have as their adviser next year!

Today our current advisory groups will learn who will be joining them next year and working to make the cards that we will use to welcome our new students.  I am very much looking forward to serving as an adviser next year.  I will have students from our current 7th grade leading the way with this new advisory and we will welcome new students from outside PHS and the lower school into our group.  It is going to be a great adventure!

Mrs. Tuncten and I spent the last week stopping by 7th and 8th grade social studies classes.  During these short visits we talked with students about tips for studying for finals and how to plan their time.  Additionally advisers have talked with their students about preparing.  I have been encouraging students to study early in the day, know what they need to study, stay focused during study time and get to bed at a time that allows them a good night's sleep.

I have been lucky to spend quite a bit of time with the 8th grade recently before they head off to the Upper School.  I am visiting their English classes today to work on writing letters to their future selves.  These letters will be given back to them at the time of their high school graduation.  We will mail letters to students who change schools.  It should be really fun to read them again four years from now!

Lastly, I feel like I can't let the year end without a sincere thank you to all of you for your warm welcome, kind words and continual shows of support.  This is an amazing school to be a part of and I am so very grateful to be able to say I am a Raider!

April Happenings

Recently our 5th grade students came to tour the middle school in preparation for their move to 6th grade next year.  As such, several advisory groups welcomed 5th grade visitors into their class for the day.  Not surprisingly, during their time with our middle school advisories, the 5th grade students heard about the activities our students participate in each day with their adviser.  To help get our students excited to share the Advisory program with our visitors, we celebrated Advisory Pride Week.  The week consisted of making posters, slogans and chants representing each advisory group.

Ms. Toms' Advisory spelling "T-O-M-S" with their bodies during their chant

Currently in Advisory we are talking about the word integrity.  Each advisory group is working to design their own two week project focusing on the concept of integrity and what it means in our lives.  Some groups are creating videos, others are considering ways we can remind each other to practice integrity; it seems I hear a new idea from a group every day.  It's exciting to watch students take charge of their own learning by designing projects around their interests.

I also wanted to share with you that yesterday we wrapped up stress management lessons in Wellness classes.  Each group met to discuss what stress is, how it affects us and how to keep it to a minimum.  Students in each grade learned about our "Fight or Flight" response and how our bodies physically react to stress.  We discussed how slowed breathing and physical activity can counteract those instinctual responses in our bodies.  6th grade students were then guided through creating a Stress Action Plan.  7th grade students talked about how to think through what one can and can't control in a stressful situation.  8th grade students took an informal stress checklist to assess how high their stress levels are currently or have been this school year.  8th grade students had the chance to privately request an appointment with me upon completing their stress checklist if they wished to discuss their stress further.  I am happy to say that overall, the 8th grade group reported low stress levels and many had little trouble thinking of strategies to keep their stress from building.

Teaching Character

This morning I took some time to skim through the March edition of The Voice, the student newspaper of Pembroke Hill School.  An article written by a high school student caught my attention.  This article was a response the character initiative assembly that our high school students have already attended and our middle school students will participate in this spring.  What interested me most about this article was the honest student perspective of character education.  The author argued that good character develops along a unique path for each individual and that random lessons here and there may not have always have the lifelong impact we hope for.  This same edition of The Voice also includes another high school student authored article regarding cyber-bullying, in which the writer discusses the difficulty of seeing the cruelty discussed in assembly format come to life.  This author describes how even he, who has balked at character assemblies, saw their value in the aftermath of anonymous cyber-bullying.

My take aways from this most recent edition of The Voice?  Find meaningful ways for our students to connect with the concepts of respect, integrity, compassion and scholarship on a daily basis.  Give them tools to turn to when they encounter a situation that puts their character to the test.  Let them become their own unique selves, in their own time.  Make sure our students know that we are good listeners and available. Teach good character by example.

When I re-read the above paragraph I know that this is the existing philosophy of our staff at Pembroke Hill. It is a timely reminder as we head into busy and exciting time that is 4th quarter.  It is what I will return to as I work with our teachers to implement our renewed focus on character development.  It is what I will spend a great deal of time considering as I challenge myself to help our students know that this is our belief as the adults in this school community.  And it comes from reading the voices of our students.

Intent vs. Impact

Recently in Advisory we have taken some time to think about the impact of our words.  A common skill middle school age students are still struggling with is the ability to consider how another person might perceive a situation.  While we have seen quite a bit of growth in our students' abilities to "put themselves in someone else's shoes" from their elementary years, this can still prove to be challenging for them.  A little brain development science helps to explain this trouble in teens quite well.

During adolescence the brain is experiencing a huge amount of growth in synapses, the connections between the various parts of the brain.  It is also pruning old synapses it does not need anymore.  This pruning and growth starts in the back of the brain and moves forward (from the back of the head to the forehead).  Located in the front is the prefrontal cortex.  This area of the brain controls impulses, forms judgements, weighs outcomes and helps us to understand others - and it is the last to be fully developed.  Usually this development is not complete until the mid-20s!

Knowing this about our students brains, we know they need repeated exposure and practice regarding thinking about how our words and actions impact others.  One thing that makes this discussion so tricky is the concept of intent.  Almost always when I talk with students about relational aggression I hear something about how it is "just joking."

At the end of February our advisors had meaningful discussions with their groups about how your intent does not always match the impact of your words and helped students to think through how to prevent negative consequences in their interactions with each other.  Each advisory was asked to make a visual reminder for us to display that will help us remember as we go about our days.  Here are some of the visuals that were created:

The drawings in the poster show a girl talking about how easy the test was.  The boy hears this and feels bad because the test was difficult for him (I LOVE this poster - I know I have talked with some of you about this concerning conversation that happens in our hallways sometimes!)  Created by Wolfe Advisory

Engage your brain and your heart before your mouth - simple and powerful!  Created by Maxson Advisory

Just as you can't put toothpaste back in a tube, you can't put your words back in your mouth - great concept!  Created by Mohr Advisory

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Oh my!  It's been awhile since I've added to the blog!  I've been working with the students and staff in so many great ways lately, let me update you!

5th grade
Approaching Spring Break means getting to know the 5th grade students who will be joining our middle school soon.  I've had the pleasure of talking with staff at Lower School regarding this amazing group of kids coming our way!  I will be visiting the 5th grade group in March to talk about friendships and conflicts.  I am looking forward to talking with them about this issue that is so central to their lives and getting to show them a little bit of what I do in the middle school.

6th grade
Together with our Learning Specialist, Susan Tuncten, I have been working with the 6th grade teachers to develop "mini-lessons" in the Plus Period time for students needing a boost.  We have met with students regarding test taking skills, how to ask for help, how to manage your time, what to do when you are absent, keeping your locker clean and more!  Click here to see a Test Taking Tips document created by some 6th grade students working to improve their test taking skills.

7th grade
I'm very excited to have the chance to talk with the 7th grade next week during the Career Kaleidoscope day.  I'll be meeting with all students at the end of their sessions to recap the day and talk about "The 4 Cs of 21st Century Skills" which are: critical thinking, communication, collaboration and creativity.  We will talk about how those are skills they are learning now and how that prepares them for success later.

8th grade
Last Friday I spent a portion of the day participating in East Asia Day activities.  Together we learned Feng Shui, how to use chopsticks, the art of Ikebana floral arrangements and how to write "horse" in Chinese calligraphy!  Such a fun day!

Earlier this week I had the chance to attend the annual KCPT Technology Conference.  I learned about so many great resources for bullying, college and career readiness, technology in the classroom and diversity awareness.  Now that I've had a couple days to get my head to stop spinning with possibilities, it's time to do some planning to bring in all this new learning I've experienced here to Pembroke Hill.  Better get to work!  Have a great weekend!

National School Counseling Week

The first week in February each year is a chance to recognize school counselors through National School Counseling Week and each year I find myself feeling ever more grateful to have found a career I enjoy so thoroughly.  

One of the things I look forward to the most is helping students discover who they are, both for a healthy self-awareness and in the hopes that they will spend their future days working in a field that fulfills them in the same way I feel fulfilled in mine.  Recently I have had some opportunities to be a part of this self-discovery on a large scale with students.  I am preparing an end of day summary session for the 7th grade to participate in following Career Kaleidoscope on March 7th.  While their professional lives are still some time away, this is often the time in a student's academic career they begin to question "Why do I have to do this?"  Being able to connect the learning experiences our students have now with their future endeavors is increasingly important as they near graduation and career exploration activities provide a new lens with which to have these discussions.  

At the end of January I was able to sit down to talk with the college counselors about ways I can help support the transition to the high school.  This past Monday, one of the ideas from that conversation was put into action in 8th grade math classes.  To help 8th grade students prepare for their upcoming Professional Day, we created portfolios in Missouri Connections (www.missouriconnections.org) and took one of the interest inventories to see which careers fit with activities we enjoy doing.  Students discussed how this website is a tool to get them started on their own personal career development journey and interests change over time.  We hope some students who were unsure who to shadow on Professional Day have some new insight as to how to approach this opportunity.  If your student missed this activity, make-ups will be held this coming Wednesday during Advisory.  Ask your 8th grader about his/her Missouri Connections profile and results.  If you would like to follow up with me regarding this program, please let me know!

I'll leave you this week with a link to the Senate bill officially recognizing National School Counseling Week and a sincere "Thank You" for welcoming me so warmly to Pembroke Hill this year!

Scholarship in focus

As previously mentioned, this quarter students are studying what it means to be a scholar.  Here at Pembroke Hill, we define scholarship in the following way:

• Engage the world with open mindedness, curiosity and imagination
• Seek understanding and truth through disciplined and thoughtful inquiry
• Pursue knowledge throughout one's lifetime

This week students were challenged to think about the way they approach the learning that occurs in their life by introducing the idea of fixed mindsets and growth mindsets.  The topic was introduced using this video.  I was able to be in one of the Advisory classes for the discussion that followed the video.  This particular group discussed whether or not they thought intelligence was something that could change over time, or if they felt it was more stable.  The students also talked about how we view and respond to criticism, as well as what it means to have to put effort into your school work.

Students have been invited to put the skills of effort and persistence into practice through our 30 Day Challenge, which officially begins today, though some students have begun already.  We are daring ourselves to try something new for 30 days that will enhance our lives in some way.  For example, my challenge is to read for fun for the next 30 days (I have let this small pleasure go recently in the midst of just being busy).  I have learned that students are working toward making someone smile each day, going to bed earlier and even giving up frozen yogurt at lunch! We'll check-in with students at the end of the 30 days to see how they did and what they gained from this experience!

In our staff meeting this morning we discussed a great technology tool that could help us enhance a learning environment that supports academic risk taking.  The Socrative website allows students to take online quizzes that give them immediate feedback on their understanding. When a student misses the concept, they can adjust their learning on their own.  This option may increase student participation in the lesson and enhance student connections with the material.  I'm giving some thought as to how I can use this tool in guidance lessons to check student understanding of the lesson objectives, while giving each budding scholar the chance to take a stab at the answer.  I'm anxious to use the knowledge I gain from their responses to improve my lessons and guide my work here at Pembroke Hill!  The students aren't the only learners around here :)

New Year, New Opportunities

Welcome back to a new semester!  It has been really wonderful seeing our students again and hearing about their relaxing and refreshing break.  I wanted to be sure to let you know about some opportunities being offered here in the counseling office this month and into the second half of our year.

First, I am going to be working with students in small groups on two topics.  The topics are Stress Management and Friendship Support.  Groups begin next week.  Students have all been informed of the opportunity.  A permission form is required to participate and is due on Friday of this week.  Sometimes students are unsure about participating in a group with the counselor, they worry about the stigma that it will be very "touchy/feely" - but I am working to let them know that counseling groups operate very much like activities I do with them in the classroom.  If you feel your student may benefit from time talking with peers about dealing with high stress levels or challenges that come with middle school friendships, please consider having them join one of these groups.  As always, feel free to call me for more information.

Second, I will be starting a new after school club that will meet on Mondays, called Community Club.  Our first meeting is today.  Community Club is focused on contributing to our positive school climate.  We will consider together what events we could sponsor.  I will be suggesting Kindness is Contagious Week in February as an example.  If the students are interested we may look into service projects for our Greater KC area as well.  I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with our students in this manner.

In Advisory this quarter students will be examining the concept of "scholarship."  We will be looking at the myths that our students sometimes accept when it comes to scholarship and encouraging them to look at risk taking/failure through a new lens.  Our hope is to further develop a love of life-long learning, create a learning atmosphere where academic risk taking is supported and to give students permission to let go of perfectionism while striving for excellence.  Each Monday in advisory students will discuss a concept related to scholarship and on Tuesdays students will be introduced to an example of someone in the world of business, sports, entertainment, etc who embodies the idea of scholarship as we see it.  This week students will watch a short video with Matt Cutts of Google. 

Lastly I wanted to share something really fun that has been happening in my little office.  Before break I had a puzzle on the table in my office and now I have coloring pages with colored pencils.  The students come in during their breaks to relax and enjoy a relaxing project together.  I have had the pleasure of getting to small talk with them and gain some insight into what is happening at school through their eyes.  Have I mentioned before that I have the best job in the world?