Goal Setting Here We Come!

As you know, our students receive quarterly grade cards in the middle school.  The grade card is a touch point about the student's academic progress.  The grade card is a source of feedback for our students and can be a very effective tool when our students know how to use it.  Recently in Advisory we have worked to improve our students' ability to read their grade cards and use them as a way to propel themselves forward in their growth as a scholar.

We began our first week back from Winter Break by asking students to predict what their grades would be, as well as what types of comments their teachers would include.  Then you may have noticed that students were emailed their grade cards last week after they were sent to parents.  This was done so students could examine them in their advisories.  Students were asked to reflect on their grade card by answering the following questions:

1. How did my predictions match up to my actual grade card?
2. What positive comments did I receive?
3. What were some areas suggested for me to work on improving?
4. How does the feedback on my grade card match with the student I strive to be?
5. In what ways did the feedback on my grade card surprise me?

Now we will return to our Character Self-Assessments completed in the fall.  Students will reflect on their school year thus far in terms of our 4 values: Respect, Compassion, Scholarship and Integrity.  In some areas they may find they have grown, or they may see a drop, perhaps they will even find they are remaining consistent.  We will use these self-reports, as well as their grade card reflections to be thoughtful about setting goals for the remainder of the school year.  We'll spend some time teaching students about how to set a goal and make a plan to see it through.  Together we'll track our progress toward our goals.  Goal setting is a skill and takes practice, but certainly once it is learned it can increase self-confidence and feelings of success.

To support students in some of their personal goals I will be offering 3 small group opportunities this semester.  Please let me know if you are interested in having your child participate.

• Stress Management - will meet on Mondays during Plus Period.  Casual environment to discuss current stressors, how to respond to stress and how to prevent stress from building up too much.  Specific strategies will be shared and students will be encouraged to come up with their own ideas too.
• Focusing on You - this group will examine the pressures that students face, including how to look, what to do, who to be friends with, etc. and talk about ways to calm those pressures and get to the root of figuring out who you are and what is best for you.  Strategies will be shared for having the courage to be true to yourself.  We will meet on Red Week Wednesdays during Plus Period
• Leadership for 6th Grade - I'm looking for students who want to learn about leadership, as well as give me feedback regarding an upcoming summer option for incoming 5th grade students.  This group will talk about working with others, problem solving, what makes a good leader, and understanding your own strengths and skills.  We will meet on Fridays during Plus Period.

As always, please feel free to contact me with any questions!

Happy Holidays!

One week into December already!  How can it be we have reached the halfway point in the school year?  For me this month is always a mixture of a full schedule and somehow simultaneously slowing down to focus on gratitude and loved ones.  This week I can across an article written by Dr. Brene Brown about the hustle and bustle of the holiday season that struck a chord with me.  (You can read the article and learn more about Dr. Brown here: http://brenebrown.com/2014/12/03/show-must-go-cost/).  Perhaps it caught my attention because I had just read an email from Pamela Robb, principal of our Early Childhood building discussing the very same topic, or maybe just because I have found a connection with Dr. Brown's work in the past.  However, I know, that deep down, the real reason I connected with the article is that I fall victim to the pressures of the holiday season year after year.  I have a a list of fun things our Elf on the Shelf will do this year in my kitchen, there is a large stack of holiday cards waiting to be addressed this weekend on my counter, and I am feeling a bit frantic about the fact that the cookie decorating party I keep meaning to plan has not yet been planned.  Sometimes I forget to practice what I preach!

So I thought this would be a great time to share with you my Pembroke Hill Counseling Pinterest board.  (Ironic isn't it?  Given that Pinterest is my recent source of holiday pressure...).  But this Pinterest board is different.  I have shared it with the students and it is meant to inspire, to refocus and to provide encouragement.  I'll update it from time to time to keep it relevant for the students.  For instance, I just added several ideas for stress management on the heels of our Wellness lessons.  And as I side bonus, I get a chance to reflect too!  You can see my board here: http://www.pinterest.com/lindsaykobolt/

Additionally I have started using YouTube as a way to share resources with students and parents.  I am working to create playlists of relevant videos so you do not need to search around as much.  I don't have much on my YouTube channel playlists yet, but I will be adding to it soon!  The playlists are divided into "Videos for Parents" (which currently includes a favorite Dr. Brene Brown video of mine) and "Videos for Students."  counseling playlists

While I'll probably still address all those cards and get creative with our elf, maybe I'll let the cookie decorating party go and simply keep that event to just our family.  We can even stay in our pajamas that way!  I sincerely hope that the rest of this month brings joy and relaxation to your family!

Let's Talk About Stress

While our students still feel that finals are off in the distance, the Middle School staff has been planning for the weeks following Thanksgiving break, that will surely come fast and furious as we work to prepare 7th and 8th grade students for their final exams.

Knowing that this time can quickly lead to a feeling of being overwhelmed, we are working to give students the tools they need to navigate the end of the semester before that busy time hits.

In Advisory students have been discussing organization and time management strategies and practicing them with their advisors.  Next week 7th and 8th grade students will each complete a finals study plan - ask them to see it at home!  In December we will share specific test taking tips will all students through the advisory program.

This week students have been working with me in Wellness lessons.  6th grade students met with me on Monday to talk about what stress is, the science behind the stress reactions our bodies have and how we can control our reactions to stress in a healthy way.  Each student had about 25 minutes to create their own individual stress management plan using their favorite app.  Ask your child to share their creation with you and talk about their stress management plan with them.  Here are a couple of examples of plans that students created:

Stress Plan Video

Click here to watch a video created by one of our students!

7th Grade students are participating in their Wellness lesson today (Friday).  They will talk about having busy schedules and using their time wisely, in addition to discussing strategies to overcome test anxiety.  The strategies being presented to the 7th grade are: 

1. Reframe It - What is finals about?  Why do we do them?  Instead of focusing on negative feelings you have about finals, think about how they are a helpful part of your learning process. What can you gain from taking finals? How is this helpful to you?
2. Positive Self-Talk Catch any negative thoughts you have (This is too hard - I can't do it - I'll never pass) and turn them around. Tell yourself that you can take big tests well, you are capable, you are doing the work to be prepared and put it in perspective, it's only a test.
3. Deep Breathing (This is something all grades practice in our lessons) Put your hand on your stomach, breathe in deep through your nose and fill your abdomen with air. Hold for 3 seconds. Breathe out through your mouth, repeat. This calms the brain and slows the heart rate - things that counter our bodies natural stress response and help us maintain focus.
4. “Brain Dump”  Write it out, crumple it up, make a basket. Students will write out their worries and fears, get them out, just release all those worries. Then crumple up their paper - not allowing those fears to crowd their head any longer. They will release more tension by playing basketball and shooting them into a basket.

8th Grade students worked with me on Tuesday. We spent our Wellness time taking a self-rating stress scale. Students marked off stressful situations they had encountered this school year or were currently experiencing. We discussed stress as relative, that what is stressful to one person might not be stressful to another. As such, each person may interpret their results differently. I did share the average scores with all students by email later in the day, so that they could compare their results with those of the peers. Each student had two opportunities to request a follow up appointment with me if they wanted. Some students did take advantage of this and we are meeting over the next few days. Of course, any time a student wishes to meet with me, they are welcome to make that request. We ended the lesson by talking about how social media can sometimes be stressful and watched a clip from The Ellen Show about how some people's pictures on Facebook got them into a bit of an uncomfortable situation!

Fostering an Inclusive Atmosphere

Quarter One is complete and we have begun the second half of the semester.  Senora Araiza and Senora Wolfe's advisory partnership are the current Advisory Contest Champions!  They were quite successful at completing song lyrics, answering riddles, tying shoes, throwing paper airplanes and more!  To celebrate they have been treated to a pizza party.  Now a new set of contests will occur and everyone is even again!

This past week in Advisory we focused on diversity, appreciation for ourselves and how we are strong when we bring all of our individual differences together.  Students worked to create "leaves" that represent their individuality and the leaves are being assembled on a "Diversity Tree" by a team of very creative 8th grade students!  Here's a sneak peak at some of the leaves, I'll be sure to post a picture of the tree when it is complete.

In light of our school wide look into appreciating what makes us diverse, I thought I would share that I have recently attended a workshop to be Safe Space trained through the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). The aim of this training is to increase knowledge of and sensitivity to LGBTQ topics, challenges and experiences.  I went to strengthen my ability to be an effective ally and advocate for all students and families at Pembroke Hill.  At the workshop I gained an updated list of resources that may interest you.

• Kansas City Passages Youth Center www.kcpassages.org/site
• Center for LGBTQ youth ages 14-20.  Programs to encourage personal growth and social interaction
• The Transgender Institute of Kansas City www.transinstitute.org
• Gender Identity therapy and referrals to endocrinologists, surgeons, cosmetologists
• Like Me Lighthouse likemelighthouse.org
• Safe space for LGBT individuals and their families.  Provides resources, outreach and community 
• Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays of Kansas City (PFLAG-KC) www.pflagkc.org
• Provide a support system for families and friends of LGBT youth
• Perform Out KC www.performoutkc.org
• Inclusive atmosphere for youth of all identities to excel in the performing arts
• The Trevor Project - LGBT Youth Hotline 1-866-488-7386

Making A Wish Come True!

Greetings Parents!

This fall we introduced our students to Haley, a 6 year old girl with juvenile myelomonocytic leukemia (JMML).  Her wish is to swim with the dolphins this spring and our job is to make that wish come true by raising the $5,000 needed to cover the cost of the trip.  The Kids for Wish Kids program is a division of Make-A-Wish Foundation that partners with schools to bring character education into action.  Through this program our students are developing their:

• Respect - Understanding the difficulties another faces when battling a life-threatening illness and the impact on his/her life, as well as the other members of his/her family.  Students are also challenged to work together to create fundraising opportunities, putting them in positions of needing to hear each other's ideas and work cooperatively.
• Compassion - Students are building empathy for Haley and other seriously ill children in our community.  They are finding ways to put their wants second, in order to positively impact the life of another.
• Scholarship - Students are exercising their creative problem-solving capabilities.  They are focused on an end goal and see their efforts as integral to finding success.  There will be roadblocks along the way that will require perseverance and continual determination to maneuver.  
• Integrity - In the Kids for Wish Kids guide for schools they have chosen integrity building as part of their vision for the program.  They approach every aspect of their work with honesty and transparency in honoring the needs of the wish recipient, their families and supporters.  We are challenging our students to keep this critical piece of the process in mind as they strive to meet our goal.  

The impact of this program is fairly amazing, as you can see.  It gets better than this though!  81% of wish kid parents observe an increased willingness by their child to comply with treatment while they are being sponsored for a wish.  89% of doctors, nurses and social workers say they believe the wish experience influences the child's physical health.  97% of wish families and 96% of health care professionals observe an increase in the child's emotional health.  Lastly, 97% of families say the wish experience strengthened their family.

Already through their own efforts, our students have raised $861.00!!!  Many more fundraising ideas are on their way, and students are always welcome to make a "just because" donation at any time.  These can be given to their adviser or brought to me.  What an inspiring and worthy cause - and your children are rising to the challenge - amazing!

What You Need to Know About Individual Counseling At School

So far this year, I have spoken individually with 30 students.  Each student brings a unique perspective into my office and faces unique challenges.  I am fortunate to work in a position in which I have the ability to get to know so many students on an individual basis, as well as the opportunity to stay with them for three years to watch how they grow.

Much of what occurs in the counseling office is unseen by others.  While that provides privacy and piece of mind for many, it also creates space for confusion or misunderstanding about the role of the school counselor in this capacity.  So today, I'd like to shed a little light on the individual counseling that occurs in my room.

Most students seek out their school counselor for conflict with a peer or teacher.  I can provide a safe place to vent, as well as a place to begin the critical thinking process necessary to reach a resolution.  I am here to follow up with the student(s) and or teacher(s) involved and either continue the problem solving process or give congrats to those who made it work.

Other times I may talk to a student about a personal or family concern.  These meetings are usually self-referred by the student.  Occasionally a peer will suggest that someone they know at school might need some extra support and in that case I will follow up and check on the student.  At any point I believe there is a safety concern or that a student would benefit from additional counseling outside of school I will contact the parent.

When students talk with a school counselor they share their hopes, their worries, their unique selves; in essence, they share what makes them vulnerable and human.  A school counselor has the responsibility to honor those things that make each student an individual, affirming and encouraging them through life's daily challenges.  As one might imagine, trust is central to this process and takes time to build.  Trust is established through listening, understanding, empathy and confidentiality.  Students know when they talk with me that what they say is confidential.  The American School Counselor Association ethical codes discuss confidentiality at length  At the heart of the ethical codes are these tenants:

• Inform students of the right to confidentiality and the limits of confidentiality
• Share the importance and limits of confidentiality with the school community through various methods
• Recognize and respect the complicated nature of maintaining confidentiality in schools
• Protect students safety through disclosure to appropriate adults when a situation presents forseeable harm
•  Follow mandated reporting  and FERPA laws
• Balance a student's right to confidentiality with an obligation to parents/guardians in supporting them as the primary influence in their child's life
• Promote autonomy of students, while considering their developmental age and circumstances

In my daily conversations with students, faculty and parents I will protect student confidentiality to the fullest extent possible.  I talk with students about this right to privacy, but we also discuss other adults that could be beneficial to include.  Often students want to share with their parents, advisor, or other key adults in the school, so as to build a strong support network for themselves.  We discuss what is appropriate to share with whom and how to go about doing that.  I try to be transparent with students about who I talk to regarding their situation.  Middle school is a time in which students begin to understand themselves as their own person and learn who they are.  They crave privacy and understanding, even when they feel no one can possibly understand them.  So much is delicate during these three years of life, and school counselors are in a unique position to support students in their personal growth by treating them with dignity, respecting their values/beliefs, and offering a confidential setting to talk through whatever may be on their mind.

Wellness Lessons Have Begun!

One of my favorite parts of my work as a school counselor is to be in the classroom talking with students.  This time allows me to interact with ALL students.  I have found that a successful school counseling program must reach each and every student in the building, working to understand and meet their needs.  At Pembroke Hill I do this in a variety of ways: Advisory lessons, partnering with the English department, visiting World Cultures classes, working with Mr. Bartelli and Mrs. Viene to develop Digital Citizenship lessons and also working through a division of the PE program called Wellness.  For this fall in Wellness I met with Lynn O'Toole, the Wellness Coordinator, to plan lessons I am sharing with the students about social relationships, stress management, conflict resolution, and more.  You can view a working document regarding our Wellness schedule at this link: Wellness Curriculum Outline 2014-2015.

In past years we have used a program called "Step-Up Sisterhood" with our 6th grade girls and our own modified version for the 6th grade boys.  The program has many wonderful benefits and was created by a well-respected youth organization in Kansas City called Synergy Services.  I myself had used "Step-Up" at previous schools and was excited to know Pembroke Hill also supported the program.  At the same time I have been doing more research and professional development concerning how to support boys in middle school with the social pressures they face.  Through that process I learned that Rosalind Wiseman, who wrote Queen Bees and Wannabees, has been engaged in work to change the way we talk about adolescent boys.  Intrigued, I jumped into reading her work, watching her speak at the American School Counselor Association National Conference, and exploring her school resources.  Let me tell you, I have been so very impressed!  As a result, we have decided to add a new resource to our Wellness tool-kit called Owning Up: Empowering Adolescents to Confront Social Cruelty, Bullying and Injustice.

Owning Up is guiding my work with all grade levels this fall.  The curriculum offers ideas specifically for young adolescent girls and boys, as well as ideas to support students as they mature. "Step Up" activities will still be included to support the message we are giving to students: Everyone's personal authenticity is connected to his/her right to be treated with dignity and his/her responsibility to treat others the same.

Students will be taught the SEAL strategy and as I work with students this year to address conflict and the messy, difficult social situations that arise in middle school, I will refer to this strategy to help them solve their own problems.  I want to share the SEAL strategy with you so that, if you so choose, you may use it in your conversations at home.  SEAL stands for:

S - Stop

Breathe, observe, and ask yourself what the situation is about.  Decide when and where you can talk to the person so the person will be most likely to listen to you

E - Explain

Take your bad feelings and put them into words - be specific about what you don’t like and what you want instead.  Think about what you are feeling and what you want first so that you can then tell the other person

A - Affirm and acknowledge

Affirm your right (and the other person’s right) to interact with other people without being ridiculed, dismissed or harmed.  If appropriate, acknowledge your part in contributing to the situation

L - Lock

Lock in the friendship: Decide to resolve the situation and continue being friends

OR

Lock out the friendship: Decide you can’t be friends and want no further contact with the person

OR

Take a vacation: Decide to take a break from the friendship but agree to talk later about reestablishing the friendship

Students do or will (depending on grade level) have access to this strategy in their Wellness Document in their Google Drive. Consider asking your child to show you this document and discuss what they are doing in Wellness with them.

If you'd like to learn more about Owning Up and/or Rosalind Wiseman, her website is a great place to start: http://rosalindwiseman.com/. Parents of boys may be particularly interested in learning about her new, free e-book written by teenage boys (with her assistance) for teenage boys. This book actually has two versions. The original version was titled by the boys who partnered with Wiseman and their sub-title had a word ("douchebags") that is clearly offensive to many, so there is also a version for schools that uses the work "jerks" in the sub-title instead. Both can be found in the Publications drop down menu on the home page under "The Guide: For Guys" or "The Guide: For Schools."