As the mornings can sometimes require our determination to get going, Friday afternoons may challenge us to keep going. However, this past Friday afternoon I was very much looking forward to traveling to the Lower School. On Thursday we announced that Ms. Stallard's advisory had won the bullying PSA contest and therefore would travel to Curry Theater Friday in order to show their video to the 5th grade class. The 5th graders were also able to view the videos from Mrs. Budzinski, Senora Araiza, and Ms. Stockman's advisory groups. After watching the videos the floor was open for questions. The students from Ms. Stallard's advisory were quite impressive in their ability to answer questions about bullying. It was a proud moment for us all!
As we near the end of Bullying Prevention Month, I thought it might be helpful to share some ideas for discussing sensitive topics with teens at home.
- First, and most important to discussing any topic with your child, is not to talk, but to listen. Listening is the foundation for building trust with another person and helps to eliminate the "You don't understand" response. Consistently offering to listen, without necessarily adding your own advice, will open the door for problem-solving oriented conversation later. It may sound simple, but showing you are listening with your body language and repeating back what is being said to you ("Sounds like sometimes you worry you can't trust your friend") can go a long way in making your child feel heard. Offer to listen even when it seems there is not a problem. The students at Pembroke Hill frequently tell me that their parents are part of their support system, so I suspect you are already doing a fabulous job in this area!
- Get the conversation started with open ended questions. For example, "What was it like to get extra help from your math teacher today?" or "What did you and your friends talk about during lunch?" If you are interested in discussing the conversations we've had in Wellness classes with them, you could even let them know what I've shared with you and ask, "What ways do you see students forming groups at your school? Which groups do you think you spend the most time with?"
- We often want to swoop in with our own life experience and 20-20 hindsight to fix life's challenges for our kids - resist! (Easier said than done!) Ask them questions that help them reach their own conclusions if you can. "What will you do the next time this happens?" "When you did (fill in the blank), how did that change the situation?"
- Give them encouragement. Notice the specific things they do and point them out. Avoid generic statements such as, "You did a good job" and aim for statements that convey you have truly seen what your child is doing, like, "I noticed at your game that you make sure to say something to each of your teammates." When life gets tough, students that feel good about who they are tend the fair better. We can strengthen our children's sense of self when we comment on the little things they do that make them great and encourage their participation in activities they enjoy.
- Similarly, encouraging your teen to help others provides a sense of empowerment for them. As we have all experienced, it feels good to take actions that improve the lives of others. Being someone who makes a positive impact, directly combats the helpless feelings that can sometime accompany life's stressful situations.
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