An Amazing Gift

Yesterday may have been my favorite day at Pembroke Hill so far!  I spent the morning at the bank feeding coins into the coin counting machine.  These coins came from our week long Advisory change drive contest.  Our students really came through!  In total $487.99 flooded the desk in the main office. 

In the end it was Mr. Hennessy's advisory who won the change drive.  So what happened with all that money?  This is the best part!  Hennessy's advisory, as the winners, were tasked with deciding which charity would receive the money raised.  I'm delighted to be able to tell you that the money went to pediatric cancer research, and in the most wonderful way.  One of our students has been selling cookies this week to raise money for just this cause.  It is near to her heart as her younger sister is a cancer survivor.  The money raised was given directly to our student to support her dedicated effort to help find a cure for pediatric cancers.  Kinda makes you love Pembroke Hill and these fabulous students even more, doesn't it?

As first semester draws to a close, I realize once again just how fortunate I am work in this incredible school.  In a small effort to show my gratitude I provided hot cocoa for students and staff this morning in my office.  The students were cheerful and relaxed as they added marshmallows to their drinks and headed out to tackle their tests. They are confident and ready to show us just how much they have learned this semester.  The students have certainly earned their upcoming two week break.  I sincerely hope this time leaves your family with many happy memories!  Enjoy your winter break - see you in January!

"Tis the season

Family gatherings, big meals, gift exchanges, traditions... sounds fun, doesn't it?  Anybody read this first line and also feel the stress building, the to-do list forming in your thoughts or the clock ticking away as you scramble to prepare?

December, while often a joyous month, can also bring with it a host of challenges.  Luckily for us, there are a few things you can do to ease the stress.

1. Set family priorities for the season - the intent of prioritizing is to limit trying to fit too much into a small amount of time.  Decide which traditions are important to you, ask your spouse and your children which traditions are their favorites and as a family consider which activities can be taken off your plate, even if just for this year.
2. Learn to say "no" - on the heels of prioritizing, is the task of holding to it!  Should guilt creep in, remind yourself that you are putting the NEED to relax and simply enjoy downtime first, and you can always feel good about that!
3. Use shortcuts - shop online, order pizza, pick up a pre-made dessert at the store.  
4. Focus on the meaningful - talk with your children about the reason behind the holiday you are celebrating.  Find ways to show gratitude and give to others.  
5. If you feel stress, that's ok!  Recognize it and take a step to reduce it.  
6. Get plenty of rest - sleep deficits are harmful to your brain's ability to problem solve.  So fall asleep on the couch during a favorite movie, retire early with a good book, or sneak in an afternoon nap.
7. Lastly, take pride that your example may be giving someone else the green light to let go of the idea of doing it all, and doing it perfectly, during the holidays. 

If you'd like to read more on the topic, I'd suggest the following two articles:
Stanford University
The Dougy Center - Grief during the holidays

Step-Up, Service and Stress

I'm not sure how we are already staring Thanksgiving weekend in the face, but we certainly are!  Before we break for 5 days I wanted to share with you some of the things that have been happening in the counseling world at PHS.

The 6th grade boys and I have now had three meetings together through their version of Step-Up.  When we return from break we are excited to have Kathy Lamb, high school counselor, and a group of male senior students come in to talk with our young men.  The boys did a great job brainstorming a long list of questions to ask their visitors.  Their questions ranged from "What sports do you play?" to "What do you do when all of your friends are going to a party/event, and you need to stay home to study?"  I am anxious to watch their interactions next week and hear their responses. 

Though the next two days of advisory have been set aside for socialization and bonding time, each group has been hard at work determining a way to give back to our community next month for their service project.  A handful of advisories are banding together to assemble care kits for Heart to Heart International, which has sent all of their existing care kits to the Philippines.  Other advisories are adopting a family, ringing bells on the plaza for the Salvation Army and even supporting a charity created by one of our own students which seeks to provide toys to children in need.  It is an honor to watch these young hearts fill with excitement over making a difference in the life of someone else.  It is clear that this community is one that values gratitude and generosity.

If you missed the Parent Awareness presentation last Thursday morning, I wanted to share with you the links to a couple of videos that were shown.  We examined teenage stress through the lens of perfectionism.  We had a thought-provoking discussion as well and I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent with our parents.  I walked away with a deeper understanding and appreciation for the challenges of raising a teenager! 

video: Dr. Dan Peters

video: Dr. Brene Brown

Finally, in this time to be thankful, I wanted to express my thankfulness for the PHS community.  All of you have made the transition to a new school such a positive experience!  Every day I look forward to coming to work and that is truly a gift!  I sincerely hope your families have a restful and enjoyable long weekend.

Warm Fuzzies

 It's official!  I've had my first chess lesson!  The 7th grade students are excitedly (and patiently) teaching me to play!  I am really enjoying this time with the students and the opportunity to get to know them better.  I have the best job in the world!

Today and tomorrow I will wrap up self-esteem lessons with the 7th and 8th graders through wellness classes.  We have begun each session with anonymous written compliments.

This activity is followed by each student's compliments being read aloud by another student and a discussion regarding their reactions to complimenting each other.  The students often say that although it was a little weird, especially hearing their compliments read aloud, it was also pretty cool.  They appreciate having the opportunity to think about their peers in a positive light, as well as the opportunity to tell them something they might not otherwise say.  The students are able to keep their written compliments and I have heard comments about hanging them up in their lockers, as well as putting them in their rooms at home.  After the compliments, I turn the discussion to defining self-esteem.  We talk about how our self-esteem can be influenced by what others think about us, but ultimately it comes from what we think about ourselves.  Students are invited to take a short self-assessment to think about how well they understand their identity and at what level they accept and appreciate themselves.  I shared with the students that their identity is changing and is sometimes in question throughout middle school, high school and even early adulthood, so they can expect that sometimes their feelings of self-confidence may waiver as well.  I want students to know that struggling with self-esteem can be pretty normal and is not permanent. 

As we are nearing the end of 1st semester, our advisory groups are wrapping up their focus on Compassion.  This week each advisory watched this video and then worked to create their own photo that showed "humanity as it could be."  Here are some of their photos, enjoy!

Advisory Spotlight

This week I wanted to spotlight a few of our advisory groups.  As we go through the year I hope to get the chance to highlight each advisory group.

Mrs. Anderson’s Advisory

Mrs. Anderson’s advisory group is quite an active bunch!  The room is always filled with excited conversation and friendly competition.  The students and Mrs. Anderson work hard during their advisory contests.  They had a particularly tough challenge the day they were asked to flip a plastic table cloth over using on their feet!  After several failed attempts, Ellie had a plan and Noah became the leading voice to make it happen.  “Shuffle people!  Bigger shuffles!” Noah shouted to motivate the group.  Everyone had a good laugh and eventually found success!  It was amazing to watch the students come together to complete a tough task! 

This dynamic group includes football, field hockey and soccer players, as well as some very talented musicians and puzzle “completers”!  We saw Sloane have great success with puzzles during the first Minute to Win It competition!

Mrs. Anderson has started having her fall One-on-One conferences with her students.  The kids value having this time with their advisor.  It allows Mrs. Anderson a chance to get to know each child individually and learn how she can support them through middle school.  She will hold One-on-One meetings throughout the year to check in with the students and stay on top of any areas of support they may need.

Senora Wolfe’s Advisory

In Senora Wolfe’s advisory, there is no shortage of laughter and friendship.  The students have each contributed to a community candy bag and they enjoy sharing treats with each other every day after lunch.  While there is a lot of fun, the students also work hard when the time comes.  They gave great effort to creating their own personal goals for this year.

Mrs. Kobolt interviewed Senora Wolfe’s advisees and learned that they love having projects and activities in advisory and the Senora is like a family member to them.  They love that she is nice and gives them responsibilities.  Students enjoy having a say in the activities their advisory will participate in and a time to relax from the daily grind of classes.  The students also reported that they can talk to each other about anything in advisory, they even wish advisory was a longer period of time in the day.  What would they do with the extra time?  More contests!!!

Senora Araiza’s Advisory

Senora Araiza has created a very relaxed advisory atmosphere.  The students were excited about the bullying video project and were motivated by the prize of going to the Lower School to present their video to the 5^th grade.  While, they did not win, they were selected as a runner up and their project was shown at the Lower School!

Araiza’s students very clearly works together as a group.  They report that Senora Araiza is nice and comfortable to be around.  The students can tell that she cares for them when she listens to their rants and checks in on them.  

Mrs. Blakenship’s Advisory

The students in Mrs. Blankenship’s advisory love contests!  Their favorite was the spaghetti and marshmallow structure contest.  They tackled the bullying video project by aiming to show the perspective of the student who is bullying others and encouraging their fellow students to be empathetic to everyone.  Mrs. Blankenship’s “Junk Closet” came in handy during the contest in which students had to decorate a pumpkin to look like their advisor, it even contained a hot glue gun which came in quite handy!

Even when there is not a formal contest, the students use their advisory time to answer trivia questions on a website that donates rice to those who are hungry for every correct answer. 

Mrs. Blakenship’s advisees like having her as an advisor because she is nice and they are comfortable approaching her with questions.  They especially like that she will let them do homework when they need to!

Mr. Wilson’s Advisory

Mr. Wilson is a Baylor fan and he happily shares Baylor football highlight reels in his advisory!  However, he also allows his students to choose school-appropriate videos to share, even silly animated ones.  The students are right when they say Mr. Wilson’s advisory is fun.  They report that Mr. Wilson makes the room a positive place to be and they very much look forward to the break in their school day in his room.  One student said that school would be too overwhelming without advisory.

The students had a great time decorating their pumpkin to look like their beloved Mr. Wilson.  Though the beginning of the year it was a bit unclear who the leaders would be in Mr. Wilson’s group, a few a starting to emerge as leaders in different areas.  Nevertheless, the balance of everyone being included and feeling a part of the group continues!

Advisories, Wellness and Groups - oh my!

Last week each advisory was tasked with the job of designing a pumpkin to look like their advisor.  Possibly one of the funniest things we will do this year!  The pumpkins are on display in our main office.  Mr Hennessy's advisory won based on how many people would comment on which pumpkin they liked while they sat in my office on Friday.  This week our advisories will be getting into costume to welcome the 2nd graders to the Ward Parkway Campus for their annual ghost walk.

The 6th grade girls have completed the curriculum component of the Step Up program.  On Wednesday November 6th they will celebrate the end of the program.  The 6th grade boys will begin their Step Up program during Wellness classes on Friday November 8th.  While it won't be exactly the same, the same general topics will be covered - bullying/conflict, self-esteem, friendships/peer relationships.  In  November, the 7th and 8th grade will discuss what it means to have a healthy self-concept, how to obtain and maintain self-esteem and creating a school environment that promotes positive self-image. 

I have been having a really great time getting to know some of the students through counseling groups.  The boys leadership group is currently putting a proposal together regarding a leadership activity for our school and the girls self-esteem/body image group has been exploring the power of our own perceptions of ourselves.  After break I plan to launch some stress management groups, so stay tuned for more information!

The things kids say and the things we say

BRRR!  The mornings are undeniably colder this week, but on these cold mornings I am so grateful to walk into a building filled with so much action and energy.   The best comment I heard this morning was, "Hey (name of student), are you shuffling everyday?" This was accompanied by dance moves and in reference to lyric Everyday, I'm shuffling in a popular song by LMFAO.  I'm still laughing!  I am especially grateful for the 7th graders who play chess outside my door each morning, their enthusiasm and lively conversation gives me the final boost to get going with my day!  One of these days I am going to play chess with them - I just need lessons!

As the mornings can sometimes require our determination to get going, Friday afternoons may challenge us to keep going.  However, this past Friday afternoon I was very much looking forward to traveling to the Lower School.  On Thursday we announced that Ms. Stallard's advisory had won the bullying PSA contest and therefore would travel to Curry Theater Friday in order to show their video to the 5th grade class.  The 5th graders were also able to view the videos from Mrs. Budzinski, Senora Araiza, and Ms. Stockman's advisory groups.  After watching the videos the floor was open for questions.  The students from Ms. Stallard's advisory were quite impressive in their ability to answer questions about bullying.  It was a proud moment for us all!

As we near the end of Bullying Prevention Month, I thought it might be helpful to share some ideas for discussing sensitive topics with teens at home. 

• First, and most important to discussing any topic with your child, is not to talk, but to listen.  Listening is the foundation for building trust with another person and helps to eliminate the "You don't understand" response.  Consistently offering to listen, without necessarily adding your own advice, will open the door for problem-solving oriented conversation later.  It may sound simple, but showing you are listening with your body language and repeating back what is being said to you ("Sounds like sometimes you worry you can't trust your friend") can go a long way in making your child feel heard.  Offer to listen even when it seems there is not a problem.  The students at Pembroke Hill frequently tell me that their parents are part of their support system, so I suspect you are already doing a fabulous job in this area!
•  Get the conversation started with open ended questions.  For example, "What was it like to get extra help from your math teacher today?" or "What did you and your friends talk about during lunch?"  If you are interested in discussing the conversations we've had in Wellness classes with them, you could even let them know what I've shared with you and ask, "What ways do you see students forming groups at your school?  Which groups do you think you spend the most time with?"
• We often want to swoop in with our own life experience and 20-20 hindsight to fix life's challenges for our kids - resist!  (Easier said than done!)  Ask them questions that help them reach their own conclusions if you can.  "What will you do the next time this happens?"  "When you did (fill in the blank), how did that change the situation?"
• Give them encouragement.  Notice the specific things they do and point them out.  Avoid generic statements such as, "You did a good job" and aim for statements that convey you have truly seen what your child is doing, like, "I noticed at your game that you make sure to say something to each of your teammates."  When life gets tough, students that feel good about who they are tend the fair better.  We can strengthen our children's sense of self when we comment on the little things they do that make them great and encourage their participation in activities they enjoy. 
• Similarly, encouraging your teen to help others provides a sense of empowerment for them.  As we have all experienced, it feels good to take actions that improve the lives of others.  Being someone who makes a positive impact, directly combats the helpless feelings that can sometime accompany life's stressful situations.

As always, I'm available to support you and your students as we navigate this crazy thing called middle school together!  Feel free to call, email, or stop by anytime!

Welcome to 2nd Quarter!

At the beginning of October, our Advisory program turned it's focus to the word Compassion.  We have been working hard to create bullying Public Service Announcements in Advisory and later this week a winning Advisory group will be selected to travel to the Lower School.  During this visit, they will share their PSA, and a couple runner-ups, with the 5th grade students in recognition of Bullying Prevention Month. 

Another shift for our Advisory program begins today.  Instead of competing for a pizza party this quarter, each Advisory will select a charity to play for.  School-wide we are collecting spare change for the entire quarter.  As we near our Winter Break, the Advisory with the most points earned through our weekly contests will be able to donate all the funds raised to the charity of their choice.  If you happen to come in to school anytime this quarter, please consider donating the change in your pocket to our cause!

Mrs. Kobolt has been invited into some of the Advisory classes to present a lesson regarding conflict resolution.  The focus is on helping students determine assertive ways to respond to conflict.  Students discuss passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive responses and the potential problems associated with approaching conflict in such a manner.  Assertiveness is presented as a respectful approach, that allows the student to voice their concerns and take into consideration the perspective of the other person as well.  Students are practicing these responses through role plays and discussion.

Wellness classes have been in on the act as well!  Step Up continues for the 6th grade girls this month.  At the conclusion of their program, Mrs. Kobolt will begin working with the 6th grade boys.  The last two weeks, the 7th and 8th grade participated in small group conversations with Mrs. Kobolt about bullying, gossiping, stereotyping, stress and peer pressure.  The students shared with Mrs. Kobolt their concerns and frustrations with these common middle school challenges and indicated an interest in continuing with Wellness lessons in the small group format for the remainder of the year.  To see a more detailed summary of the 16 small group conversations that occurred with Mrs. Kobolt, click here.  (Note: the language in this document is reflective of the words the students used.)

Lastly I wanted to share with you some updated photos of the brick wall posters.  Our 8th graders have clearly been busy finding Scholarship, Compassion and Integrity in the 6th and 7th grade students.  The bricks are almost all down!

Mental Health Awareness

Each year the first full week of October is recognized as Mental Health Awareness Week.  This campaign works to decrease negative stigma associated with being diagnosed with and treated for a mental illness, as well as to increase availability of quality mental health care in our country.  In recognition of this important week I wanted to share 3 resources with you.

1.       First is a link to fact sheets on commonly diagnosed mental illnesses by the National Alliance on Mental Illness.  It can be helpful to have some basic information about various diagnoses if you have a particular concern Fact Sheets.  I also want to share with you a guidebook for parents on adolescent depression that addresses self-harm and suicidal thinking  Family guide

2.       Second are two links about how we can help our children develop into mentally healthy adults.  40 Assets  What every child needs for good mental health

While our knowledge of mental illness is still developing and research is ongoing, the mental health community is getting stronger and more skilled at responding to various mental health needs in a variety of ways.  If you have any questions about the mental health of your child, I will be happy to talk them through with you anytime. 

Hand in hand with Mental Health Awareness Week, October is also Bullying Prevention Month.  Advisories are working hard to create bullying Public Service Announcements (PSAs) geared toward elementary students.  One advisory will be selected to travel to the Lower School and share their project with the 5^th grade students.  Through PE/Wellness classes, I am meeting with small groups of 7^th and 8^th grade students to get their input on the social issues facing our school.  While they don’t connect with the word “bullying,” they do have quite a bit to say on gossiping, stereotypes and cliques!  I have several more Wellness groups this week and will share their feedback with you in my next blog. 

Almost always when the topic of bullying arises, the conversation turns to cyber-safety.  I learned this week that Twitter has produced a safety tips for parents page, so I wanted to share that with you here.  Although it seems most PHS students are using Instagram over Twitter, the information applies to any social media site.  We plan to do much more with cyber-responsibility throughout the year.

I am slowly seeing more and more students become comfortable stopping in to say hi (the candy dish helps!) and I am hopeful that the uneasiness about talking with the counselor is starting to fade some.  I am using my Wellness conversations to debunk school counselor myths, but also I have been invited to attend several outings with each grade level.  This last week I had the pleasure of joining the 7^th grade at Overland Park Arboretum.  I hiked with students before lunch, which gave me a great opportunity to chat with them.  These students continue to prove to me that I am in the right school.  You truly have some amazing children!

The Bricks Are Coming Down!

Last Thursday in our assembly the 8th grade students performed their skits showcasing our 3 pillars of character: Scholarship, Integrity and Compassion.  The skits served as a way for these students to share with the 6th and 7th grade the insights they gained during Leadership Day.  In addition, the 8th grade created posters representing each of these pillars, however, they are currently covered with paper bricks.  Now the leadership really begins!  The class of 2018 is charged with the task of watching the actions of their younger peers.  They are looking for behaviors that convey compassion, integrity and scholarship.  When an 8th grade student witnesses such an occurrence, they remove a brick from their poster and write a note to the recipient about the excellent character they demonstrated.  Our posters are starting to come into view; the brick wall between us and our pillars is coming down!

As we know, leadership is not something that is learned in a finite amount of time.  The skills of a great leader are refined constantly.  As such, we feel it is important to start building leadership skills in the 6th grade.  Each year our 6th grade girls complete a program called, Step Up, which focuses on positive self-esteem, conflict resolution and solutions to common adolescent challenges.  This year I have the joy of getting to work with these girls through their PE class on the Step Up program.  Last Friday we had some really fantastic discussions about bullying, teasing, and exclusion.  The girls impressed me with their honesty, respect and empathy.  Together we brainstormed ways to respond as a bystander and ways to respond as someone who may be feeling hurt.  We even talked about understanding bullying behavior from the perspective of the bully.  I am thoroughly enjoying my time with them each Friday!  It is helping me get to know them, in fact, I may know all of their names now!  I'm very much looking forward to working with the boys in November and December!

I also wanted to share with you some upcoming group counseling opportunities.  The following are links to the permission/student commitment forms for the groups.  Some students are getting one of these from me because they have indicated an interest in one of these groups on their needs assessment survey or because they were referred by a teacher.  If you would like to talk to your child about possibly participating in one of these groups, feel free to print this form.  Forms are due on FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 27 in order to participate. 

Body Image/Self-Esteem Group  
*will be offered to both boys and girls in separate groups

Boys Leadership Group