ThanksGIVING and Gratitude

This upcoming weekend is my favorite weekend of the year; I am able to spend quality time with my family and immerse myself in the holiday season!  (I may or may not be found humming holiday tunes, shopping with the crowds and eating too many sweets the next few weeks...) But each year, I do pause to think about how my own children are doing with the concepts of giving to others and gratitude - and what I can do to further their understanding of these important values.

Odd as it may seem, when Josh Ochs was here talking to our students - and to some parents - I began to reflect on giving and gratitude.  One of the ways Mr. Ochs encourages young adults to use social media is to highlight their community service and efforts to help others as sort of a self-marketing strategy.  He points out, however, that whatever post one might make, the focus should not be on oneself, but rather on the organization and/or people served and must always include a "thank you" to those who made it possible.  There is it, giving and gratitude in a social media conversation.  (Side note: there should be a video of Josh Och's parent presentation available soon)

Additionally I have been reading Josh's book, Light, Bright and Polite, and when he focuses on this aspect of positive social media use, he also stresses being genuine.  This is where it gets real for me.  Most anyone can schedule volunteer work, show up, complete the tasks and check it off a list.  How do I get my own children - and my students - to be genuinely invested in others, sincerely grateful for what they have and inspired to continue to give of themselves?

First, I know I have to model giving and gratitude.  I have to get out there and give to others.  Simple acts like courteous driving, paying for someone's lunch and helping another person through a doorway, or more involved work, such as donating goods, giving my time at a local charity and taking dinner to a sick friend.  I will also need to talk to my kids about what I am grateful for - from nice weather, to bedtime snuggles, to our warm home, and full refrigerator.  With my students I can comment on how nice it is to have a bookstore on campus, caring people making us warm meals each day and our own community in advisory.  I also know, I will need to persist in these endeavors.  It won't work for me to focus on this for a week or two and then slide back into the old routine.

Gratitude can be taught when we find the good in tough situations.  I know this is an area I could use some growth!    When my son struggles to read a challenging word, I can celebrate his determination and effort.  When my daughter has to wait in a long line with me, I can point out that we can do something fun to pass the time, such as play "I Spy."  When a student complains about course work being difficult, I can balance an empathetic response with one that points out the ways in which the student is rising to the challenge.

These ideas and more are included in a great, brief article I've included here if you'd like to do more reading on this topic: 9 Ways to Foster Gratitude in Teenagers.

I believe we are at an advantage at Pembroke Hill.  Our families value generosity and gratitude and it is very clearly woven into the fabric of our school.  Just in the last week I am aware of two student groups volunteering at Children's Place with young children and on our Lower School campus, hundreds of lunches were packed for Harvesters to give to kids around our city.  I'm almost certain other amazing things have happened within our PHS community that have positively impacted others.  I am even more certain that the students participating in these events were proud of their efforts and felt the joy that only giving to others can give us.  I'll leave you with some photos of one additional service event that occurred in the middle school last Monday.  Several students, and Dr. Leonard, worked hard to decorate boxes that will be filled with treats and sent to our service men and women who are serving our country during this holiday season.  Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

Harassment, Labels and Rumors - Oh My!

This past week both the 6th and 8th grade students have met for Wellness lessons.  7th graders met with the counselor during their Advisory rotation.  Here's a quick look into what we did together.

6th grade
The 6th graders are nearing the end of their 6 week series regarding bullying and social relationships.  The boys worked together to create videos about the impact of labels and stereotypes.  We will present the videos to each other on Monday and use them as a spring board for further conversation.  Ask your child: How are stereotypes a part of your school day?  How are you careful not to put hurtful or harmful labels on others?  For further reading: Tips for Battling Stereotypes

The 6th grade girls spent their lesson focused on gossip.  We used glitter to get our point across.  The girls were asked to pass glitter from their hands to the hands of the person next to them - they were told to get all the glitter off of their hands, but not to let any fall on the floor or tables.  Then they described the glitter - "shiny, fun, messy, sticky, little, colorful, seemed fun until I couldn't get it off me."  Earlier in the lesson we had worked to define gossip, so at this point the girls were asked how glitter is like gossip.  They said "It gets everywhere, you lose control of it, it looks fun but it gets messy, it sticks to you."  So we talked about how to respond to gossip.  One of the most common things I see is that kids think their friend has a right to know when other people are talking about them, but almost always that makes the situation worse.  So instead, the girls were encouraged to respond by saying "Don't tell me, I don't want to know, I don't want to be involved."  Additionally, they were encouraged not to spread the rumor, or not to spend time talking to multiple people trying to figure out where it started as that just gives more life to the rumor.  This is difficult for kids - they want to know who started it, yet the success rate of this sort of investigation is extremely low.  (Not too many kids are willing to admit they started a rumor!)  Talk about it at home: Use this link: Have You Ever Had a Rumor Spread About You? to read real life scenarios and talk them through.  What would you do?  Why do people spread rumors like this?  Have you ever heard a similar rumor about someone?

8th Grade
Our 8th graders spent their lesson talking about sexual harassment with a speaker from MOCSA.  Students shared that they have seen physical, verbal, written and non-verbal harassment at school by responding as to whether or not they had seen the examples the presenter shared.  Students learned that sexual harassment is UNWANTED sexual behavior and that the person receiving the behavior decides whether or not it is unwanted.   They left with a handout that looked like this:

The handout describes the different types of sexual harassment and details why sexting is actual illegal for minors.  On the back the handout outlines what to do if you are being harassed.  Ask your child: How would you respond if someone was harassing you?  Who would you tell?  Do you think harassment is a big deal?  Why or why not?

7th Grade

As mentioned above, I briefly saw the 7th grade students on Thursday of this week during our bi-weekly advisory rotation.  During this time I shared with the students that MOCSA had come to see our 8th graders and I thought they should hear the same information that our 8th graders did.  Together we read our school harassment policy and dissected the definition of harassment.  It was emphasized to students that the person any comment, action, or behavior is directed toward gets to decide if it is unwanted.  Additionally, that the person receiving the interaction has a responsibility to make it clear when something is unwanted.  We discussed why we think harassment is important to understand and what to do if you are being harassed.  This session was not interactive, so further discussion at home could be very helpful.  To talk about at home: Why do you think it's important for schools to have a harassment policy?  How should schools respond to harassment?  Have you seen harassment happening at school?  How would you respond if you were being harassed?

And lastly - a reminder for you that on Thursday November 19 in the evening, Josh Ochs will be talking with parents about all things social media as it relates to teenagers.  He will then speak with our students on Friday morning.  This event is hosted by our Parents Association.  Many thanks to all those who worked to put together this great event!

Getting Back on Track!

Yikes!  I have gone the entire month of October without updating the blog!  Life moved fast in the middle school the last few weeks and I did not always keep up.  That being said, I will do my best to quickly update you regarding the happenings of the counseling program over the last 4 weeks and apologize in advance for the lack of detail I would prefer this blog to have.  I will do better in November!

6th Grade
The 6th graders have been hard at work, engaging in a 6 week series of Wellness lessons that fit under the umbrella of bullying.  We've defined bullying, talked through responses, discussed stereotypes, labels, gossip, friendships and so much more!  There are two weeks left to go and I will share those lessons with you in upcoming blogs.

This week I did meet with the 6th grade boys, on Monday morning in fact, as we were all so tired from watching our Royals bring home the crown!  Given the headline story, we began by watching clips of the game and trophy presentations.  Time and time again, the character of the players on the Royals team was referenced.  So I asked the boys - what character traits do you think the Royals have that contribute to their success.  Determination, teamwork, work ethic and confidence were listed.  We discussed how the Royals were not projected to do well last spring and how even in their successes, some in the sports world still overlooked them.  So from there I asked the boys to tell me how they had been labeled incorrectly through anonymous slips of paper.  As I collected the papers, I put them up on the screen for the students to see.  "Quiet, Lazy, Weak, Gay, Nerd, Dumb, Stupid, Slow, Boring, Crazy."  The room was silent.  This was a powerful list.  Then I let the boys know that we would be working for our last 2 classes to make a video in small groups about labels and stereotypes and their impact on schools.  Some of the boys will use the Royals as inspiration, others will use their own stories.  I'm very excited to see what they come up with.  We'll watch the videos together on our final day of this series.

Also in October, Mrs. Tuncten  and I sat down with 6th graders in 4 groups for "Chip Chats."  During these chats we talked about seeking help from teachers, balancing homework and activities, making friends, navigating the freedom in the middle school and getting enough sleep.  The students were great participants and shared fantastic ideas with each other for keeping on top of school work.  It was a great experience!

7th Grade
Recently the 7th graders met for Wellness in gender divided groups.  They began by playing a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.  Winners were asked to think about how it feels to lose.  Those who lost, thought about how it feels to win.  From there we were able to define empathy.  I talked briefly with students about things that empathetic people do, including: avoiding putting others down, because they know how it feels and listening with compassion.  Next students were told they were going to pretend to be the other gender.  In pairs, they would read a scenario involving members of the other gender and talk about what it would be like to be the person in the scenario.  Of course, students laughed at this task at first  - and the girls were anxious to know if the boys were going to pretend to be girls too!  But as we got into the conversation to wrap things up, the kids did a great job really thinking about what it might be like to be a boy or a girl.  Girls became aware that boys feel pressure to be the best in academics and athletics and they aren't always free to show their emotions.  Boys understood that girls face pressure to measure up in appearance and to get involved in the rumor mill.  Of course, these things could be said about both genders, but it was very cool to see the kids really thinking about their peers in a new light.

8th Grade
Tomorrow, November 5, the 8th graders will meet for Wellness with a speaker from MOCSA who will talk about harassment vs. bullying, and get specific about sexual harassment.  I'll be sure to share more information in next week's blog.

Recently I was able to team up with Cori Culp's World Cultures classes and share an article with the 8th grade students about a young girl who takes great pride in being from Ecuador and her experiences with people not differentiating her cultural identity from other Hispanic cultures.  From there we were able to have great conversations about ethnic identity, cultural identity and respecting unique perspectives.  Mrs. Culp is truly passionate  about this topic and does a fantastic job supporting our students through their own identity development, as well as their understanding of those in the world around them.  It was wonderful to partner with her on this lesson for the 2nd year in a row!

School-Wide
A couple of weeks ago our students spent some time in advisory learning about some of the October Awareness Campaigns and local charities that support them.  Through videos and exploring websites, students learned about Breast Cancer Awareness, Down Syndrome Awareness, Substance Abuse Prevention and SIDS Awareness.  Each advisory was challenged to bring in a dollar per student, per day.  In total over $330 were raised to support local charities.

Today our students participated in Mix It Up Day at lunch.  Students sat by first letter of their first name and chatted using the discussion questions on each table.  Discussion questions were written by 6th graders during a recent advisory rotation.  Students did a very nice job with this - participating without complaint and with good attitudes.  Some of our staff even participated as well!  For some of our students today meant not having to decide who to sit with, which provides a relief from a common lunch time stress.  For others, it pushed them out of the comfort zone and got them talking with someone they might not normally talk to.

Finally I'll leave you with some pictures from our Middle School Ghost Walk and from Toms Advisory who created and hung some great encouraging signs around the school!