The Tools to Manage Middle School Stress

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that ERB testing and final exams are next week!  There's no doubt that this time of year can feel quite stressful for middle school students.  However, there is also no shortage of supports available for students to manage and cope with rising stress levels.

All 7th and 8th grade students met in grade level groups for Advisory on Monday November 30.  In these groups, students discussed study plans, strategies and tips that will lead them to success with their exams at the end of this semester.  Mrs. Tuncten has been meeting with students seeking additional study support as well.  Teachers held office hours this morning and are talking their students through successful preparation in their classes.

Additionally, students are meeting with me during Wellness to discuss what stress is and what to do about it.  6th grade students learned about our bodies Flight or Fight response, how it is triggered in times of stress and it's physical impact on our bodies.  Here's a great video the students watched that explains this important survival mechanism: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnpQrMqDoqE.  From there we talked about how to respond to your bodies stress signals in a way that will lessen the Fight or Flight response.  Student each made their own personal stress plan using the Skitch app.  Here are some of my favorite examples:

Our 7th graders will have their lesson when we return after winter break.  This is delayed in part because of the scheduling and set up involved in this very special lesson.  The 7th grade students will be working with an art therapist from Truman Behavioral Health who will teach them about journaling and art as stress management strategies.  I'm very excited for this new opportunity with our students and quite thankful to the Arts Council for funding this project through a grant!

8th graders met with me last week as well.  We also discussed the Flight or Fight response as a refresher from previous lessons.  The 8th grade students then took a self-reflection survey (developed by Mental Health America of Northern Kentucky and Southwest Ohio, adapted from the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory for adults) in which they consider which life events have occurred in their lives over the last year.  These events lead them to a total stress score and a description about what that means.  Once students had their score, we talked about how stress is relative.  A student may have a high score, but not feel very stressed.  Or a student may have a low score and still feel a raised level of concern.  Students were asked to self-reflect and consider their current stress levels.  If they were concerned about stress in their life, they were encouraged to reach out to an adult.  I did not collect the surveys from the students, so you might ask your 8th grader about how they responded and what they think of their results.  

Yesterday I was able to co-present with Upper School Counselor, Kathy Lamb at a Parents Association meeting regarding resilience in teens.  In this presentation we talked about how we can help our students overcome obstacles in life, avoid or change perfectionist tendencies and decrease feelings of anxiety or helplessness.  To see our power point, click this link: Resilience in Teens.  You might also want to see these handouts: Handouts.  I am also available to talk with you anytime about questions or concerns you might have regarding your teen's ability to be resilient.  

At the end of last week we let off some steam in Advisory by holding Lip Sync Battles!  The kids did a great job and we had tons of fun and laughs!  It was a wonderful way to wrap up our semester.  Mrs. Culp and Senora Araiza's advisories received perfect 10 scores from the judges.  And Emery/Stockman advisories were crowned the overall 2nd quarter winners!  They will celebrate with a complimentary pizza party on Monday!  

And finally, I've had my pal, a chocolate lab named Chesney, here with me today at school.  He's been cheering up students and calming nerves all day with his cuddles and wagging tail!  He might make another appearance as we approach spring exams!

ThanksGIVING and Gratitude

This upcoming weekend is my favorite weekend of the year; I am able to spend quality time with my family and immerse myself in the holiday season!  (I may or may not be found humming holiday tunes, shopping with the crowds and eating too many sweets the next few weeks...) But each year, I do pause to think about how my own children are doing with the concepts of giving to others and gratitude - and what I can do to further their understanding of these important values.

Odd as it may seem, when Josh Ochs was here talking to our students - and to some parents - I began to reflect on giving and gratitude.  One of the ways Mr. Ochs encourages young adults to use social media is to highlight their community service and efforts to help others as sort of a self-marketing strategy.  He points out, however, that whatever post one might make, the focus should not be on oneself, but rather on the organization and/or people served and must always include a "thank you" to those who made it possible.  There is it, giving and gratitude in a social media conversation.  (Side note: there should be a video of Josh Och's parent presentation available soon)

Additionally I have been reading Josh's book, Light, Bright and Polite, and when he focuses on this aspect of positive social media use, he also stresses being genuine.  This is where it gets real for me.  Most anyone can schedule volunteer work, show up, complete the tasks and check it off a list.  How do I get my own children - and my students - to be genuinely invested in others, sincerely grateful for what they have and inspired to continue to give of themselves?

First, I know I have to model giving and gratitude.  I have to get out there and give to others.  Simple acts like courteous driving, paying for someone's lunch and helping another person through a doorway, or more involved work, such as donating goods, giving my time at a local charity and taking dinner to a sick friend.  I will also need to talk to my kids about what I am grateful for - from nice weather, to bedtime snuggles, to our warm home, and full refrigerator.  With my students I can comment on how nice it is to have a bookstore on campus, caring people making us warm meals each day and our own community in advisory.  I also know, I will need to persist in these endeavors.  It won't work for me to focus on this for a week or two and then slide back into the old routine.

Gratitude can be taught when we find the good in tough situations.  I know this is an area I could use some growth!    When my son struggles to read a challenging word, I can celebrate his determination and effort.  When my daughter has to wait in a long line with me, I can point out that we can do something fun to pass the time, such as play "I Spy."  When a student complains about course work being difficult, I can balance an empathetic response with one that points out the ways in which the student is rising to the challenge.

These ideas and more are included in a great, brief article I've included here if you'd like to do more reading on this topic: 9 Ways to Foster Gratitude in Teenagers.

I believe we are at an advantage at Pembroke Hill.  Our families value generosity and gratitude and it is very clearly woven into the fabric of our school.  Just in the last week I am aware of two student groups volunteering at Children's Place with young children and on our Lower School campus, hundreds of lunches were packed for Harvesters to give to kids around our city.  I'm almost certain other amazing things have happened within our PHS community that have positively impacted others.  I am even more certain that the students participating in these events were proud of their efforts and felt the joy that only giving to others can give us.  I'll leave you with some photos of one additional service event that occurred in the middle school last Monday.  Several students, and Dr. Leonard, worked hard to decorate boxes that will be filled with treats and sent to our service men and women who are serving our country during this holiday season.  Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

Harassment, Labels and Rumors - Oh My!

This past week both the 6th and 8th grade students have met for Wellness lessons.  7th graders met with the counselor during their Advisory rotation.  Here's a quick look into what we did together.

6th grade
The 6th graders are nearing the end of their 6 week series regarding bullying and social relationships.  The boys worked together to create videos about the impact of labels and stereotypes.  We will present the videos to each other on Monday and use them as a spring board for further conversation.  Ask your child: How are stereotypes a part of your school day?  How are you careful not to put hurtful or harmful labels on others?  For further reading: Tips for Battling Stereotypes

The 6th grade girls spent their lesson focused on gossip.  We used glitter to get our point across.  The girls were asked to pass glitter from their hands to the hands of the person next to them - they were told to get all the glitter off of their hands, but not to let any fall on the floor or tables.  Then they described the glitter - "shiny, fun, messy, sticky, little, colorful, seemed fun until I couldn't get it off me."  Earlier in the lesson we had worked to define gossip, so at this point the girls were asked how glitter is like gossip.  They said "It gets everywhere, you lose control of it, it looks fun but it gets messy, it sticks to you."  So we talked about how to respond to gossip.  One of the most common things I see is that kids think their friend has a right to know when other people are talking about them, but almost always that makes the situation worse.  So instead, the girls were encouraged to respond by saying "Don't tell me, I don't want to know, I don't want to be involved."  Additionally, they were encouraged not to spread the rumor, or not to spend time talking to multiple people trying to figure out where it started as that just gives more life to the rumor.  This is difficult for kids - they want to know who started it, yet the success rate of this sort of investigation is extremely low.  (Not too many kids are willing to admit they started a rumor!)  Talk about it at home: Use this link: Have You Ever Had a Rumor Spread About You? to read real life scenarios and talk them through.  What would you do?  Why do people spread rumors like this?  Have you ever heard a similar rumor about someone?

8th Grade
Our 8th graders spent their lesson talking about sexual harassment with a speaker from MOCSA.  Students shared that they have seen physical, verbal, written and non-verbal harassment at school by responding as to whether or not they had seen the examples the presenter shared.  Students learned that sexual harassment is UNWANTED sexual behavior and that the person receiving the behavior decides whether or not it is unwanted.   They left with a handout that looked like this:

The handout describes the different types of sexual harassment and details why sexting is actual illegal for minors.  On the back the handout outlines what to do if you are being harassed.  Ask your child: How would you respond if someone was harassing you?  Who would you tell?  Do you think harassment is a big deal?  Why or why not?

7th Grade

As mentioned above, I briefly saw the 7th grade students on Thursday of this week during our bi-weekly advisory rotation.  During this time I shared with the students that MOCSA had come to see our 8th graders and I thought they should hear the same information that our 8th graders did.  Together we read our school harassment policy and dissected the definition of harassment.  It was emphasized to students that the person any comment, action, or behavior is directed toward gets to decide if it is unwanted.  Additionally, that the person receiving the interaction has a responsibility to make it clear when something is unwanted.  We discussed why we think harassment is important to understand and what to do if you are being harassed.  This session was not interactive, so further discussion at home could be very helpful.  To talk about at home: Why do you think it's important for schools to have a harassment policy?  How should schools respond to harassment?  Have you seen harassment happening at school?  How would you respond if you were being harassed?

And lastly - a reminder for you that on Thursday November 19 in the evening, Josh Ochs will be talking with parents about all things social media as it relates to teenagers.  He will then speak with our students on Friday morning.  This event is hosted by our Parents Association.  Many thanks to all those who worked to put together this great event!

Getting Back on Track!

Yikes!  I have gone the entire month of October without updating the blog!  Life moved fast in the middle school the last few weeks and I did not always keep up.  That being said, I will do my best to quickly update you regarding the happenings of the counseling program over the last 4 weeks and apologize in advance for the lack of detail I would prefer this blog to have.  I will do better in November!

6th Grade
The 6th graders have been hard at work, engaging in a 6 week series of Wellness lessons that fit under the umbrella of bullying.  We've defined bullying, talked through responses, discussed stereotypes, labels, gossip, friendships and so much more!  There are two weeks left to go and I will share those lessons with you in upcoming blogs.

This week I did meet with the 6th grade boys, on Monday morning in fact, as we were all so tired from watching our Royals bring home the crown!  Given the headline story, we began by watching clips of the game and trophy presentations.  Time and time again, the character of the players on the Royals team was referenced.  So I asked the boys - what character traits do you think the Royals have that contribute to their success.  Determination, teamwork, work ethic and confidence were listed.  We discussed how the Royals were not projected to do well last spring and how even in their successes, some in the sports world still overlooked them.  So from there I asked the boys to tell me how they had been labeled incorrectly through anonymous slips of paper.  As I collected the papers, I put them up on the screen for the students to see.  "Quiet, Lazy, Weak, Gay, Nerd, Dumb, Stupid, Slow, Boring, Crazy."  The room was silent.  This was a powerful list.  Then I let the boys know that we would be working for our last 2 classes to make a video in small groups about labels and stereotypes and their impact on schools.  Some of the boys will use the Royals as inspiration, others will use their own stories.  I'm very excited to see what they come up with.  We'll watch the videos together on our final day of this series.

Also in October, Mrs. Tuncten  and I sat down with 6th graders in 4 groups for "Chip Chats."  During these chats we talked about seeking help from teachers, balancing homework and activities, making friends, navigating the freedom in the middle school and getting enough sleep.  The students were great participants and shared fantastic ideas with each other for keeping on top of school work.  It was a great experience!

7th Grade
Recently the 7th graders met for Wellness in gender divided groups.  They began by playing a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.  Winners were asked to think about how it feels to lose.  Those who lost, thought about how it feels to win.  From there we were able to define empathy.  I talked briefly with students about things that empathetic people do, including: avoiding putting others down, because they know how it feels and listening with compassion.  Next students were told they were going to pretend to be the other gender.  In pairs, they would read a scenario involving members of the other gender and talk about what it would be like to be the person in the scenario.  Of course, students laughed at this task at first  - and the girls were anxious to know if the boys were going to pretend to be girls too!  But as we got into the conversation to wrap things up, the kids did a great job really thinking about what it might be like to be a boy or a girl.  Girls became aware that boys feel pressure to be the best in academics and athletics and they aren't always free to show their emotions.  Boys understood that girls face pressure to measure up in appearance and to get involved in the rumor mill.  Of course, these things could be said about both genders, but it was very cool to see the kids really thinking about their peers in a new light.

8th Grade
Tomorrow, November 5, the 8th graders will meet for Wellness with a speaker from MOCSA who will talk about harassment vs. bullying, and get specific about sexual harassment.  I'll be sure to share more information in next week's blog.

Recently I was able to team up with Cori Culp's World Cultures classes and share an article with the 8th grade students about a young girl who takes great pride in being from Ecuador and her experiences with people not differentiating her cultural identity from other Hispanic cultures.  From there we were able to have great conversations about ethnic identity, cultural identity and respecting unique perspectives.  Mrs. Culp is truly passionate  about this topic and does a fantastic job supporting our students through their own identity development, as well as their understanding of those in the world around them.  It was wonderful to partner with her on this lesson for the 2nd year in a row!

School-Wide
A couple of weeks ago our students spent some time in advisory learning about some of the October Awareness Campaigns and local charities that support them.  Through videos and exploring websites, students learned about Breast Cancer Awareness, Down Syndrome Awareness, Substance Abuse Prevention and SIDS Awareness.  Each advisory was challenged to bring in a dollar per student, per day.  In total over $330 were raised to support local charities.

Today our students participated in Mix It Up Day at lunch.  Students sat by first letter of their first name and chatted using the discussion questions on each table.  Discussion questions were written by 6th graders during a recent advisory rotation.  Students did a very nice job with this - participating without complaint and with good attitudes.  Some of our staff even participated as well!  For some of our students today meant not having to decide who to sit with, which provides a relief from a common lunch time stress.  For others, it pushed them out of the comfort zone and got them talking with someone they might not normally talk to.

Finally I'll leave you with some pictures from our Middle School Ghost Walk and from Toms Advisory who created and hung some great encouraging signs around the school!

The September Slump

Recently I've found myself in many conversations that involve someone feeling tired, overwhelmed, unhappy, or some similar sentiment.  I find this to be very common at the end of September in a school setting.  The newness of the school has long worn off and a feeling of routine has set in.  Additionally teachers are making deeper connections in their content areas, projects are a part of the school work, tests are being given to assess if the students are learning the material, and sports are nearing the end of their season, meaning competition is at it's height.  This can be a challenging time for middle school students, parents and teachers alike.  Be watchful for signs that your child is not coping well: sleeplessness, extreme moodiness, change in appetite, lack of desire to participate in normal activities, etc.  If you see any of these warning signs that additional support might be needed, please reach out to me, your child's advisor, a particular teacher, coach, our principals, or your pediatrician.

That being said, allow me to share with you what has been happening in our Wellness and Advisory programs the last couple of weeks.

6th Grade

The 6th graders finished their Mindset series in Wellness on Tuesday September 14.  Students watched the video Can Video Games Make You Smarter?, which they very much enjoyed!  After that students worked in groups to complete a packet about how your brain can become smarter.  Through the packet students were instructed to think about how their muscles grow with increased use, and how their brain can be like a muscle.  They also explored the concept of working at something new or difficult repeatedly in order to become proficient.  

On Thursday September 18, 6th graders met with Mrs. Viene during our Advisory Rotations to talk about social media, specifically, who should be on your friends list and why.  She shared just how easy it is to find out what you want to know about someone through social media apps by using real life examples that surprised our students!

I have recently sent out a quick Google Form to 6th graders, checking in with them to see how their transition in to middle school is going.  Students have the option to request a meeting with me at the end of the form and I am working to meet with those students who make such a request.  By and large students are reporting positive progress in adjusting to middle school.  However there are also about 20 kids who still have yet to answer.  

To help ensure that our students have multiple opportunities to have support with their transition to middle school, Susan Tuncten (Middle School Learning Specialist) and I will be hosting "Chip Chats" with all 6th graders.  We will meet in 4 groups - one 6th grader from each advisory in each group during Plus Period.  (We'll be talking with Mr Dekker about our Band students being able to attend).  During our Chip Chats, we'll share chips and various dips and talk about the challenges of adjusting to 6th grade, the joys of middle school so far, strategies for success, and anything else that may come up.  These chats begin Friday October 9.  

7th Grade

During Advisory Rotations on Thursday September 18, our 7th graders worked with our library staff and Mr. Bartelli to practice using their new iPrint functions on their iPads.  Hopefully your student feels comfortable printing from the iPad at school now!

7th Grade also had two days of Wellness last week that focused on having a Growth Mindset.  The 7th graders took a quick self-assessment as to how much they had a Fixed Mindset (Intelligence does not change, challenges only expose weaknesses, ,working hard means you are not smart) and how much they had a Growth Mindset (I learn from mistakes, I can improve my intelligence, I like working hard and being challenged).  From there the 7th graders learned about the parts of the brain, what they do and what happens in your brain when you are learning.  Some of the instruction on the brain was given in a traditional lecture format, whereas students learned other parts of the brain using mnemonics, color aides and memory tricks.  On the 2nd day, students entered the Wellness class and began by taking a Kahoot quiz (online quiz with instant results) over the parts of the brain.  What do you know?  The traditional lecture style taught material was not remembered nearly as well as the material the students associated with colors and memory tricks!  We talked about why that is and learned that our brains had formed stronger connections between neurons when we used the memory aids, therefore we remembered it better!  Students were encouraged to use these memory aids when studying in their classes.  We wrapped up our lesson by talking about the students had grown their intelligence regarding what the brain does and then practiced moving toward a Growth Mindset by taking Fixed Mindset statements and converting them to Growth Mindset statements.  And as a bonus, the students ended up creating a bulletin board in my office!

As the 7th graders worked through the fixed mindset statements, they sometimes had a tendency to try replacing the statement with a perfectionist kind of view "I'm not good at math" would become "I'm always good at math" and we discussed how that is still a fixed mindset.

8th Grade
Last week our 8th graders spent a significant amount of time discussing Leadership.  On Thursday September 17, they met during Advisory Rotations to think about what it means to be a leader in a mixed grade Advisory.

Of course, Friday the 18th the 8th Grade participated in Leadership Day, which was great fun and a lot of discussion regarding what it takes to be a leader.  Students were able to debrief about Leadership Day on Monday during Advisory.  The 8th grade team plans to continue 8th grade leadership activities throughout the school year.

Understanding Mindset and Preparing to be Leaders

Today I have heard a handful of students express that they were up late doing homework, had weekends full of activities, have had two tests in a certain subject, etc.  The easing in of the school year has ended.  This is a good time for us to really begin our watchfulness.  Who is not sleeping enough, who is in need of a friend, who needs academic support?  If you feel your child could use some coaching, assistance, or a listening ear, please let us know.  You can start with your child's advisor, perhaps during your parent conference this Friday afternoon.  I will be at school that afternoon meeting with parents from my advisory, but if you would like to schedule any time with me, let me know and we can probably work something out.  

Here's a recap of what is happening with each grade level in Counseling and Wellness:

6th Grade

On Friday of last week I again visited with the 6th grade during their Plus Period.  I shared the social media survey results with them and then had them bring up a picture they had taken on their phone or iPad recently.  From there students were asked to decide in their head if this was a picture they would post online, in an app or send in a text.  We used a list of questions from a quiz entitled "To Post or Not To Post" on the NSTeens.org website.  From what I could tell by watching their reactions, most of our 6th graders had pictures that would pass the "test" and would be safe to post, although I did not look at photos so as to allow them some privacy during the activity.  We wrapped up by watching a video, also on the same website, about a boy who's friends create a website to rate the girls in their school.   He decides to participate in rating the girls and later finds out that his sister was added to the website and rated by other boys.  We discussed whether or not this would be considered "cyber-bullying" and some possibilities for responding as the principal of the school or as one of the girls rated on the website.  All in all, we had a great conversation and lots of participation!

Today the students met with me for their first Wellness lesson.  We discussed the idea of mindset.  Students self-assessed what level of growth mindset, or fixed mindset they had.  A fixed mindset is one that is rigid, and feels skill level, ability and intelligence do not change much - whereas a growth mindset believes that with hard work and dedication, we can improve our intelligence, success and ability.  Most of our students hover around the middle, a slight fixed mindset, or a slight growth mindset.  I'm hoping that I can nudge more students to a stronger growth mindset!  After our self-assesssment, students worked in groups to answer opinion questions about what intelligence means and how we can measure it.  

The final part of our Wellness lesson was to learn the various parts of the brain and what they do.  We also learned about neurons, which are cells that send electrical signals through the brain and to the body - they form connections when we learn new things and strengthen and stretch our brain!  We'll learn more about this tomorrow in Day 2 of this two day Mindset series in Wellness.  I'll be sure to share about that in next week's blog.

On Thursday during Advisory all 6th graders will be with Mrs. Viene to talk about just who should be on your friends list in social media apps and how quickly information can travel through the internet!

7th Grade

During Advisory rotations this week, the 7th grade will visit the library to get a reminder about the resources and services available in the library and learning lab.  The 7th graders will begin their wellness lessons on the 23rd.  They will also participate in a 2 day Mindset series, similar to the lessons the 6th grade are doing now.  

8th Grade

The Signs of Suicide presentation has been rescheduled for September 24, as our guest speaker was ill last week.  I'll be sure to update you about what the students learned after their lesson.  This Thursday in Advisory Rotations 8th graders will be discussing what it means to be a leader in Advisory and what roadblocks they sometimes face as Advisory leaders.  This activity will be in preparation for  Friday's Leadership Day.  During Leadership Day students work in groups to complete challenging tasks and then debrief during a faculty led discussion within their small groups.  Watch for a recap in next week's blog!

Finally - we still need volunteers to help this Sunday from 7:00 am - 10:30 am during the Broadway Bridge Run at the Pembroke Hill water table!  Please let me know if your child/family can help encourage the runners whose entry fees go to Special Olympics.  Our exact meeting location should be known soon.  Thanks much!

Off and Running

The counseling program is in motion in the middle school.  Here's what's happening and what is upcoming:

6th Grade
On Friday during the Plus Period, 6th grade students provided feedback about their social media use that will now be used to design "Digital Citizenship" lessons.  Our first lesson will be this Friday, agian during Plus Period.  Students will be discussing how to be safe, respectful and compassionate online, as well as how to respond when someone else is not using social media appropriately.  Here are the highlights of our 6th graders responses:

• The most frequently used social media sites are:  YouTube (76%), Instagram (55%), Snapchat (23%), Pinterest (22%) and Vine (16%).  Others that made the list with under 10% usage include: Kik, Twitter, Tumblr, and Wishbone
• 9% of 6th graders do not use social media at all
• Of those that do use social media, most of them (42%) are checking it 1-2 times per day.  28% check 3-4 times per day, 16% check less than once a day and 13% are checking 5 or more times
• The most commonly seen hurtful communication our 6th graders encounter online is exclusion of others (44%), then rumors about other people (35%), next is conflicts between others (32%), followed by teasing/name calling (23.5%).  12% of students reported witnessing targeted bullying of others.  When asked if any of these things were ever directed at them, 9% of our students felt they had been excluded online, 3% had seen rumors about themselves, 3% had online conflicts with themselves and another person, and 3% felt they had been a target of bullying.  

This Friday (and during subsequent lessons if needed) we'll discuss how to respond to online exclusion, name calling, rumors, conflict and bullying - whether it's directed at you or someone else.  A great resource, that I'll be using as well, is nsteens.org.  

Next Monday and Tuesday our 6th grade will meet for their first Wellness lessons.  The topic will be focusing on what it means to have a growth mindset and the science of how the brain learns.  Stay tuned for more information!

7th Grade

Last Thursday during advisory time all 7th grade students met with Mrs. Viene and Mr. Bartelli to clean up their Google Drive.  Students were guided through what to do with documents from 6th grade.  Through this session, the aim was to help students develop strategies to manage their school responsibilities and to become skilled at using the iPad as an academic resource.  These abilities contribute to a student having a positive academic self-concept that will allow him/her to be a self-directed and independent learner.  

Wellness lessons will begin for the 7th grade on September 23rd.  Their first topic for discussion will be around what it means to have a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset.  We'll discuss how changing your thinking can impact your performance in school, sports and activities.  I'll update with more information after the lessons occur.

8th Grade

8th graders were asked to do something a bit unusual during this past Thursday's advisory rotations; they were asked to Google their name.  Many students found pictures of themselves and family members, past class projects, news stories in which their name or family member's name was included, and, of course, things that were not related to them at all.  After the searching, we dove into conversation about what it means to have a "digital identity" and how to influence your online persona.  This led to a conversation about privacy settings and care in what you post, comment on, or "like" online.  Students were encouraged to search their name often, both on Google and in various social media sites, so as to be aware of what is associated with their name in cyberspace.  

This Thursday our 8th grade students will meet for their first Wellness lessons.  We will have a speaker from the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Kansas City (NAMI-KC http://www.namikc.org/) here to speak with the students about suicide prevention.  Specifically they will teach the "Signs of Suicide" program, a research-based prevention program focusing on teaching what to look for in others that might indicate that they could harm themselves.  The program goes further in providing strategies to intervene and get help for anyone you might be concerned about.  I will be sure to include follow up information in my blog next week.  For now you can read more at this website:Signs of Suicide Evidence Based Practice.  This presentation is happening in September as it is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  To learn more about this campaign and/or the warning signs of suicide, go to this link: Suicide Awareness Prevention.  

All Grades

Congrats to Longhofer advisory on their victory in the Advisory Door Decoration contest!  

All students are invited to volunteer on Sunday September 20 at the PHS watertable in the Broadway Bridge Run benefiting Special Olympics.  We'll be handing out water to the passing half marathon runners and cheering them on!  The run begins at 7:00 so volunteers will need to arrive prior to that time, but I expect we'll be done before 11:00 am.  Students wishing to volunteer should talk with me,  Mrs. Kobolt.

Students who complete 50-100+ hours of community service this school year before April will be eligible to apply for a Presidential Service Award (http://www.presidentialserviceawards.gov/the-award).  Students should see me to complete their documentation and have their hours approved.  Students will hear about this opportunity at the school-wide assembly on Thursday.  Another award that students might be interested in is the Prudential Spirit of Community Award.  Applications for this award are due November 3 of this year.  

When to contact the counselor

Welcome back for another week!  I hope your first weekend found you with time to relax together as a family.  Given that your student has both an advisor and a school counselor, I thought this week I'd take some time to discuss when it's appropriate to contact the school counselor in context with when it is best to start with the advisor.

The school counselor role at Pembroke Hill is centered around the social-emotional and personal growth of our students.  Most of the time when I talk with an individual student, a small group of students, a colleague or a parent, we are discussing mental health concerns, friendship concerns, social dynamics, self-care skills, family situations and the like.  Additionally, I am involved in other conversations regarding topics such as, academic support, leadership skills, team building and school climate.  Because there is a wide umbrella and some overlap between the advisor role and the counselor role, it may be tough to know who to call first.

I wanted to share a link with you to an article that details the role of the school counselor that you may find helpful.  You can read it here: Understanding the School Counselor/Parent Connection.  Additionally I've listed below some common reasons I am usually contacted by a parent:

• When a student is experiencing a social conflict with a peer or peer group
• When there has been a change in the dynamics of the family that is impacting the child
• When a student is experiencing a personal struggle such as low self-esteem, questioning their sexual identity/gender, disrespectful behavior at home, a change in interests or peer group, etc.
• When a student needs support developing positive coping skills
• When a student is experiencing a difficult relationship with a teacher, coach or other adult
• When a student is experiencing anxiety: regarding school, extra-curricular activities, social situations, etc. 
• When a student is experiencing sadness, isolation, hopelessness or other similar emotions
• When a student has recently begun working with a therapist, has recently been diagnosed with a mental illness or is suspected of having a mental illness
• When collaboration with other staff members, such as the advisor, have stalled or when a parent/student feels more comfortable contacting the counselor for help
• When confidentiality needs are paramount

With each parent contact, the counselor response varies.  One size fits all most definitely does not apply here.  Our conversation may or may not result in my speaking with your child; in fact, often times it does not.  Many times I will not share the details of our conversation with any other faculty members either.  What will be shared, and what I will do to respond, will be decided upon together as we talk.  

Your child's advisor is an excellent resource for you as well.  Contact the advisor when you are curious to know how your child is doing in his/her classes, have a question about a school event, want to get some academic support for your child, have a minor social concern, or just feel most comfortable sharing whatever need your child has with the advisor.  

Whatever the reason you choose to reach out to the school for support, and whomever you connect with first, please know that we want to have the same goals for your child that you do.  Parenting is tricky, to put it mildly, and we are not in the business of judging.  We'll do our best to make sure that we are working together to see your child through whatever challenge may be facing them at the time.  Hopefully one day we'll look back and say "Remember when...." with a smile at how far your child has come!

Welcome to 2015-2016!

Greetings Middle School families!

It's finally here, the first day of school!  Have you noticed the red carpet our students walk on to get into school the first day?  Our Student Council ensures this fun tradition is in place each year.  I think that is one of my favorite things about Pembroke Hill, the faculty is not alone in their preparations for the school year.  Our students and families are just as involved.  I hope that you find that sense of community in our middle school this year as well.  We are a team, on an important 3 year journey.  It is an honor for us to be a part of this transformative time in your child's life.

I thought it would be appropriate for my first blog entry this year to give you a sneak peek into the ways the counseling and Advisory programs will be supporting you and your child over the next 9+ months.  To do that, I'd ask that you look over the following two documents:

Counseling Program Overview 2015-2016  Here you can see an outline of what is planned each month in Wellness and Advisory, as well as other relevant activities.  This plan is created to be flexible.  The flexibility is necessary as we schedule outside speakers to visit our school, work around the needs of teacher curriculum, address the needs of our students, etc.  The weekly blog entries will provide updates to the plan, as well as follow up information after the events.

Advisory Goals and Priorities  This document highlights the larger picture of this year's Advisory program, giving you some insight as to how we work to support each student through their time with their advisor.

If you look over this information and find yourself with unanswered questions, please feel free to contact me via email or phone (816-936-1200).

I hope your commute home is filled with fun stories from the first day.  However, just in case your teen gives you only, "It was fine," I have added a few pictures below to help fill in the gaps!

We are less than 2 weeks from the end of the year - in 14 days finals will be over, fields trips completed, everyone will know who is in which advisory, and we'll be looking at summer camps, vacations, sleeping in, and all the things that come with the break between school years.

One thing that has wrapped up is our 4th quarter advisory projects.  Each advisory took some time to focus on one of our 4 values: Respect, Compassion, Scholarship or Integrity.  From there the students and advisor worked together to design a project, carry it out and then present it to the other advisories.  We had our presentations on Tuesday of this week.  Some of the ideas shared were making blankets for Children's Place, partnering with low income schools to read/provide attendance incentives, making gift bags for Operation Breakthrough, having a "topic jar" in which students all submitted random topics that were then drawn, researched and discussed, and each person teaching their fellow advisees something new.  Some really wonderful projects!  There were many others, all equally impressive!  It was very inspiring to hear all the projects and has given us a great idea list to use next year!

Wellness lessons will wrap up on Tuesday of next week.  This past Wednesday a former PHS student talked candidly with our 8th grade about how she became involved with substance use, and then addiction, in high school.  Her agenda was not to persuade kids one way or another, or tell them what decisions to make, but rather to share her own struggles and how drinking and drugs impacted her life.  She did a wonderful job describing the normalcy around her early drinking days and why she got into the partying on the weekend lifestyle - and how it quickly turned into more.  Please do ask your 8th graders about the speaker.  Some possible questions to ask:

• What did you think of Kate's story?
• Why do you think Kate's drinking became an addiction?
• Have you thought about what you will do when someone invites you to a party with alcohol?
• Lots of people talk about how normal it is to drink and experiment with drugs in high school, do you think it's normal?

Experts agree that having open conversations like this with your teen will set the stage for them to come to you when they encounter a tough situation.  If you can limit telling them what to do, and let them do most of the talking, you do most of the listening, you are building a new kind of trust with your teen. We hope these type of Wellness lessons will allow you to have these conversations at home. 

There will be lessons for 7th and 8th grade on Monday and Tuesday of next week with speakers from First Call, a drug/alcohol recovery and prevention agency.  They will discuss the impact of alcohol and drugs on a developing teenage brain, as well as refusal strategies, followed by someone who is in recovery sharing their story and how it impacted those around them.  Should be another great opportunity to ask some of the same questions as above.  

Thanks to all of you for another great year in the middle school!  Hope you have a wonderful summer break!  

Mental Health Month

Welcome to May!  Yesterday I had my first May Day experience here at Pembroke Hill - what a treat!  I was blown away at the work that must go into putting on such a fun afternoon each year!  It was a great moment of joy in my week.  Tonight I look forward to watching our students perform in the 30th annual Showcase, yet another event that is done up right around here, but not without tremendous preparation!

I find it so fitting that May is chosen to be Mental Health Month.  May is sunny and warm, but often the weather accompanies busy schedules, long to-do lists, feeling overwhelmed, feeling run down, perhaps even feeling sad.  This is all especially true for our young people, who are still developing the coping skills to get them through challenging times.  In fact, suicide rates tend to rise in the spring.  Thus, we have an important job to do as the adults in our children's lives.  Let's be vigilant.  Let's look for signs of distress.  Let's talk with each other.  Let's show our kids that we are here for them.  Let's point out their small successes.  Let's ensure some down time.

In the spirit of mental health awareness I thought I would devote the rest of this blog to sharing some wonderful community resources with you.

First is a community forum coming up soon regarding social media safety.  Many thanks to Coach Budzinski for sharing this with me!
#We'reBackOnline

Next I want to direct you to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).  This link is to their Kansas City chapter.  You can find opportunities to get involved, information about support groups and more!
http://www.namikc.org/

Also from NAMI is a great fact sheet about how stigma impact mental illness perceptions and treatment
Mental Illness and Stigma

And from the US Department and Health and Human Services, some myths and facts about mental illness
http://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/myths-facts/

We have many more excellent mental health services here in the area.  If I can ever be of assistance to you in connecting with counseling services, please let me know.

Spring Finals Preparation

This week in advisory groups have begun to discuss upcoming finals.  We have used two documents to help our students prepare for these exams.

First, is a document created by our current 7th graders.  In January, following their first set of finals, Mrs. Kobolt talked with 7th grade about their preparation for the winter exams: what worked, what didn't, how they planned to prepare for the tests this spring, etc.  All of these thoughts were collected in this document: Class of 2020 Finals Reflection.  Advisors showed and discussed this document this week with their students.

Secondly, as we have in the past, we provided students with a study planning guide to support them in their preparations for finals.  You can find a link to that guide here: Finals Planner

Busy spring schedules and final exams can leave some students feeling run down and stressed.  This time of year we can support our students by ensuring they are getting plenty of sleep, eating a balanced diet, finding some down time, and being thoughtful about how they spend their time.  If your child needs further strategies, here are some tried and true ideas:

1. Positive Self-Talk:  "I can do this!"  "I am prepared"  "I have a plan to be ready"  "I've made it through tough times before"
2. Visualization - Imagine yourself being successful
3. Muscle relaxation - starting with your face, consciously relax your muscles, move to the shoulders, down the arms, through the torso, and down the legs
4. Deep breathing - practice slow belly breaths, hands on the stomach, feel the stomach fill with air as you inhale for 5 counts and then fill the air leave the stomach as you slowly exhale.  Repeat 3-5 times

April Wellness Lessons Wrap Up

Each week when I begin to write a new entry in this blog I get very excited to share all the things happening in our middle school world with you, and this week is no exception!  

On Monday the 6th grade students gathered for Wellness.  As shared in the presentation link last week, we discussed what constitutes Passive, Aggressive and Assertive behaviors.  The students did an EXCELLENT job engaging in the lesson and taking it seriously.  I was really impressed!  The lesson was largely an active one for the 6th graders.  They worked with a partner to talk through some tough situations, and what it would like to responding passively, aggressively and assertively.  We also acted these scenarios out, which lead to laughter and conversation regarding what would be most helpful in each instance.  Below is an example of the scenario sheet students worked to complete.

Tuesday the 8th grader students used their advisory time to meet with Mrs. Lamb, our Upper School Counselor, and a panel of seniors to talk about the US experience.  Students heard how Advisory is different next year, the importance of getting to know their teachers, mistakes the seniors made their freshman year, and about balancing academics and extra curricular activities.  

8th grade students are meeting for Wellness lessons today with Keith from MOCSA.  Keith is the male speaker who presented at our parent presentation a few weeks ago.  The lesson began by talking about boundaries.  Students talked about personal space, not liking if someone touches their phone without asking, etc. which lead to a discussion about how important boundaries are in all relationships.  Boundaries help us feel safe.  Next the discussion moved to the concept of consent.  It was discussed that you need consent to do anything in a relationship.  You need consent to be in the relationship, to go to the movies with someone, to visit someone's home, and for any physical contact with someone else.  This was demonstrated through the idea of the "magic pen."  If you are looking for a follow up conversation with your child at home, consider asking them about the "magic pen" portion of the lesson.  The following things were the take-aways from the magic pen:

• You can not forcefully take something from someone, someone should not forcefully take anything from you
• You should not manipulate people into giving you something, no one should be manipulating you to give them something/do something
• You might share something with someone one day, but that does not mean you need to the next - and you should not expect that someone will share something with you again
• Blackmail is unacceptable
• You can give someone something and then change your mind and ask for it back
• All of the above when put into the context of consent within a relationship are indicators as to the health of the relationships

From there students discussed healthy and unhealthy relationships and talked through some example scenarios.  Keith encouraged students to look for the warning signs.  When warning signs are apparent students were asked:  Would you break up with this person?  Would you talk to a parent about it?  Would you help a friend in an unhealthy relationship?  Again, these are great points to discuss with your child at home.  Let them know that they can talk with you when something feels unsafe or unhealthy in a relationship.  The handouts the students received also list the crisis line for MOCSA.

I hope to be done meeting with each 5th grade student by next Friday.  5th grade students will learn who their middle school advisor is on May 15 :)

Helping our community and ourselves

What an incredible week it's been!  It's been so packed with great things that I was convinced yesterday was Friday when I got home!

On Monday many advisories got to work getting materials ready for Harvesters and the United States Postal Service to deliver to families around the metro at the beginning of May.  The program called, "Stamp Out Hunger" makes it easy for people in our community to donate food to Harvesters by leaving a bag of groceries at their mailbox on May 9th.  Who knows, maybe you'll get some materials in your mailbox that were prepared by one of our students!

Tuesday afternoon I had the opportunity to talk with 7th grade students in Wellness lessons about peer pressure.  To get us started students were divided into groups and asked to create a secret handshake and password for their group only.  From there one group was asked to break up and try to join the other groups.  Each of the other groups had instructions as to how they would respond to those trying to join.  Some groups were allowed to accept new members, others were not.  Students completed a reflection sheet following the activity (example included below) and we used that to discuss the innate need to belong and how that can make responding to peer pressure so tricky.  From there students listed on the back of their reflection sheet ways that they or a friend of theirs has experienced peer pressure in middle school.  I have also included some photos of those responses below.  Given that several students included drugs and alcohol in their peer pressure list, we have extended our substance abuse speaker scheduled to talk with the 8th grade in May to also talk with our 7th graders.  The lesson wrapped up with role playing out how to respond to the situations the students had listed on their papers.  We analyzed the responses that students gave for effectiveness.  It was also discussed how it is much easier to give the "right answers" in a classroom setting and so much more challenging in real social situations.  The students were encouraged to think through these possible scenarios now and plan their response so they are armed with tools should they be needed.  The strategies used by students in the role plays included:

• "The Broken Record" - repeating your "No" over and over again
• Stating a reason why you aren't going to do what you are being asked to do
• Encouraging the other person to make a better choice
• Telling a little fib (I have to pick up my sister)
• Leaving the situation
• Distraction - changing the subject, or as one of our natural entertainers acted out, pretending to fall!

Thursday afternoon ended on a very high note!  We were able to honor Haley and her family and send them off on their trip in style.  It was a good feeling being able to recognize all the students who worked to fulfill Haley's wish and to be able to present the Make-A-Wish Foundation with one of those fun big checks! We saw our core values at work and the impact it had on young girl firsthand.  I believe the events of the afternoon will be covered in an upcoming Horizons magazine edition and parent newsletter.  

Looking ahead to next week, 6th and 8th grade will meet for Wellness lessons and the 8th graders will meet Kathy Lamb, our Upper School Counselor during Advisory on Tuesday.  I will continue visiting with 5th grade students in the afternoons as well!  I have included below the plans for the 6th and 8th grade Wellness lessons.

6th Grade - Passive, Aggressive and Assertive Behaviors

On Monday morning 6th grade students will meet for Wellness during their PE classes.  We will define passive, aggressive and assertive Behaviors and discuss reasons why someone might respond or behave in each manner.  You can see the definitions I will be using here: Definitions.  After we have defined these behaviors, students will work in pairs to talk about fictional situations and determine what a passive, aggressive and assertive response would be to each of the situations.  We'll then have some of the pairs act out their responses in front of the class and discuss their effectiveness.  The goal of the lesson is to equip students with the skills needed to be assertive in common social situations, thus leading to strong refusal skills in peer pressure types of situations.  I will share examples from the lesson with you next week as I have done with the 7th grade today.

8th Grade - Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships presented by MOCSA

On Friday, experts from the Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault will be speaking with our 8th grade students in their PE classes.

Description from MOCSA: Students learn the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships by taking a closer look at personal relationships.  Discussion focuses on communication, respect and personal boundaries.  Students will receive the following handouts:

Relationship Rights

Relationship Boundaries

Spring Events Are Under Way!

Spring is here!  A mix of sunny days and rainy days, and sandal-wearing, jacket-free students in the halls.  With that, of course, comes a flurry of end of the school year activities and ready or not, it's time for those to begin!  Here is what is on the agenda next week in the middle school:

On Monday each advisory will be a part of helping Harvesters to prepare for their annual "Stamp Out Hunger" campaign.  Click here to watch a video about this wonderful initiative and check next week's blog to see how Pembroke Hill students are involved!

Tuesday will be busy as well!  Our 5th grade students will visit that morning to get an inside look at the workings of the middle school.  Student tour guides will show them the ropes!  We can't wait to have the 5th graders in the building!  Additionally 7th grade students will meet for Wellness.  The topic will be responding to peer pressure.  The lesson will begin with an interactive activity called "Acceptance and Rejection" In this activity students are assigned to fake "cliques" and given some instructions to carry out about how their clique operates.  This will be followed by a discussion about our natural desire to feel a sense of belonging and how that can make peer pressure a challenging force to respond to.  Students will work together to create a list of areas in which middle school students experience peer pressure.  We'll examine the list and discuss ideas to respond to each scenario.  Students will practice these responses using role plays.  In next week's blog I will share with you the scenarios the students list as where they experience peer pressure and the strategies that were taught. 6th and 8th grade students will meet for Wellness the week of April 13.  6th grade will focus on assertiveness skills and 8th graders will hear MOCSA's middle school Healthy Relationships program from the staff at MOCSA.  Details will be in my next blog entry.

Wednesday afternoon I will be on the Wornall campus again to talk with the 5th grade students individually.  I have started meeting with students in this manner already the last few days.  I really enjoy getting to know the students in this way.  It is much more difficult to get to know them if I wait until the school year begins and they are busy adjusting to a new school!  We talk about what they like to do, their favorite subjects in school, challenges they face at school and they have an opportunity to ask questions about middle school privately.  I use this information to do my best to match them with their middle school advisor.

Thursday will be a very exciting day for us!  Haley and her family will be at Pembroke Hill so we can celebrate her upcoming trip to swim with the dolphins.  We will present the Make-A-Wish Foundation with our money raised, present Haley and her sister with a surprise, enjoy a musical performance from the middle school band, have a relay race and share cookies and lemonade together.

The week will end with the Spring Fling dances after school on Friday.  The parents association is generously offering this event for our students and should prove to be a very fun afternoon/evening of dancing and fun --- I hear there will be a velcro wall :)

From Lower School, to Upper School and Everything In Between!

A few of the mornings last week I lingered on the Wornall campus a little longer after dropping off my kiddos in the Early Childhood and Primary buildings.  I enjoyed invigoratingly cold walks across the courtyard to the Intermediate building, where I met three poised and knowledgeable 8th grade girls.  Together we journeyed up to the 5th grade hallway, greeted by excited students.  I think it felt a little like being a rock star :)  I did my best to jokingly encourage them to keep up the royal treatment next year!

I love visiting the 5th grade students at the end of the winter, when we're frustrated with the cold and clouds.  It's like bringing back the energy of the first week of school all over again.  Nervous excitement, readiness for change and new people to meet - great combination if you ask a school counselor!

I began the lesson by sharing the "Secrets of Success" in Middle School, based on the 4 things 8th grade teachers know to be the marks of readiness for the Upper School.  This information can be found in the PowerPoint I used with the students: Success in Middle School.  It is clear these students are ready as they gave great answers to the discussion questions.  The 8th graders concluded the lesson by sharing a video they made with the help of 6th grade teachers and 6th grade students: Transition to Middle School Video.  They also served as a student panel, answering the questions of the 5th graders and did a fantastic job!

One of the greatest things about the middle school, is that we also have the opportunity to help support students as they move to the Upper School!  The 8th grade students recently had lunch with Upper School students from the LINC crew, who serve as mentors for the underclassmen.  8th graders brainstormed their questions in advisory, so those could be given to the US students ahead of time.  Additionally, Kathy Lamb, upper school counselor, and I have been meeting to ensure our programs are aligned and working toward the same goals.  She is a fabulous resource for our kids as they enter 9th grade!

The 6th grade leadership group has wrapped up.  These future leaders did a wonderful job working to define what a leader is and what an effective leader looks like.  They also put these leadership skills into practice through fun games and challenging activities.  It's not surprising to hear that the values of Respect, Compassion, and Integrity were found to be central to strong leadership.

Things are moving and shaking in the 7th grade too!  Today we talked together about stereotypes and bias as it relates to the world of work.  Students were asked to write down or draw what they first picture when they hear certain job titles.  We discussed that though we are not immune to bias, we can acknowledge it and chose not to honor it.  Everyone was encouraged to approach Career Kaleidoscope with this type of open mind as they hear the various professionals coming to speak to them tomorrow.

Here's to an exciting day of new experiences and knowledge tomorrow and to a great 4th Quarter!

Reflection, Preparation and Celebration

This past week has been a busy one in the middle school!  There have been a flurry of activities and full calendar's worth of weather, well, almost!  Here's a look into a few things I've had the opportunity to do with the students.

REFLECTION
I met with the 7th grade students recently to reflect on their first experience with final exams.  We talked in large groups about the measures they took to prepare for finals and then had some think time to determine how successful those efforts were.  From there the students helped to create a document they can access with finals tips and advice for spring semester.  I also plan to share this document with the class of 2021 as they approach their first set of finals.  You can find the document here: Class of 2020 Finals Tips and Advice

PREPARATION
On Monday I had the pleasure of joining the students in Mr. Guthrie's math classes.  Together we created individual portfolios on www.missouriconnections.org.  Students took the Interest Profiler and compared these results to a paper/pencil questionnaire we did in November.  With the upcoming 8th Grade Shadow Day in March, the goal of this activity was to provide students with more information regarding the variety of careers that make up our workforce and to encourage them to learn about options they may have never considered or heard of.  Having a math teacher in the room, and information about salary and cost of living on the website, we often found ourselves in intriguing conversations about money, percentages, comparisons between cities, etc.  Students who do not have Mr Guthrie for math or who were absent have been working me in small groups or individually to complete this activity as well.

CELEBRATION
During yesterday's assembly 18 kids helped me announce to our student body and staff that we have successfully raised the $5,000 needed to fulfill Haley's wish!!!!  What an amazing accomplishment!  And in fact, we have OVER $5,000.  For the Make-A-Wish organization to grant a full wish, it actually takes about $10,000.  So any extra we raise still goes to Haley's trip to swim with the dolphins.  The Upper School Student Government met with some of our students to learn about our Bows and Bowties campaign.  Currently Bows and Bowties are on sale in the Upper School.  On February 19 at 7:00 Pembroke Hill will host the "Bow-sket Ball Game" when the Varsity basketball team plays Barstow here at PHS.  Students from the Ward Parkway Campus will be in attendance wearing their bows, bowties, and/or sweatshirts.  Haley and her family will be our guests of honor that evening as well!  I'm currently looking for students who would like to assist in planning a send off party here in the middle school for Haley!

And in case you didn't make it in the building this week, I just had to share the plethora of campaign posters that decorated the hallways!  What courageous and inspiring students we have!  It's always fun to hear their determination to bring in new ice cream flavors and food trucks :)